<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Hey, it's me by All_the_Queer</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26944804">Hey, it's me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_the_Queer/pseuds/All_the_Queer'>All_the_Queer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A socially-distant love story, ASMR, Akiteru is a force for good, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bees, Bisexual Yamaguchi Tadashi, Bondage, Coming Out, Crushes, Experimentation, Fear Play, Finger Sucking, Fluff, Gags, Honey, It's fun I swear, Lewd ASMR, Lipstick &amp; Lip Gloss, Marking, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, No beta we spike with our eyes closed, Non-Binary Yamaguchi, Non-binary character, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Self-Discovery, Sensory Deprivation, Slow Burn, Smut, They/Them pronouns for Yamaguchi, Tsukki uses “gay” as an umbrella term, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Little Shit, Yamaguchi Tadashi is kind of a slut sorry not sorry, Yamaguchi is a cute texter, You'll see what I mean, because what else do you expect? it's me, but the sexy stuff stars early-on, covid is canon, internet crush, listen I don't know exactly where this is going yet so I'll update the tags as needed, pansexaul Tsukishima Kei, why aren't people writing more things with social distancing in them</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:41:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26944804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_the_Queer/pseuds/All_the_Queer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kei Tsukishima finds a very cute fellow-student in his online university class named Tadashi Yamaguchi. He also finds a sexy ASMRtist and binges all of their videos.</p><p>Let's just say that Kei has a lot of masturbation material during the pandemic.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>304</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Tsukki is stressi</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It seems like I'm keeping up the theme of this account by once again posting things that I write in half-asleep stupors, so buckle-up buckaroos 'cause things are getting weird!</p><p>I wanted to make two stories: one where Yamaguchi was enby and the other where Tsukishima is into ASMR because of his tendency to overthink and I was like hey, I could combine those.</p><p>Please tell me if there are any instances of pronoun flubbage because I would feel horrible about misgendering a character IN MY OWN FIC.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Monday 10am </em>
</p><p>Kei Tsukishima had never been so stressed in his life. Sure, starting university had been a swift kick in the balls when he got here 3 years ago, but it was nothing compared to a Global Pandemic.</p><p>Of course, if he’d just gone to college like a <em> normal </em> person instead of taking a year or two off like a freak he wouldn’t be having this problem right now. But he was a freak. And now he had to do his final year of university through <em> ugh. </em> Video. Chat.</p><p>Stupid.</p><p>On the upside, he could now mute people, something he'd often wished for in real life conversation. On the downside, he was long overdue for his first real “college hookup” and not just a hasty make-out session in the back of a bar. But now that he wasn’t allowed to leave his dorm, he had no way to go about it. Kei didn’t have his “friends” to drag him to clubs and make him talk to strangers anymore. How the fuck would he meet anyone if he wasn’t forced to by the people he tolerated?</p><p>He plopped down in his desk chair, disgusted that he was already starting to miss <em> commuting, </em>of all things. He adjusted the blank notebook and new highlighters on his desk before clicking on the link for his first day of class. He recoiled when a million tiny bubbles filled his screen, each sporting a student’s moving face as they signed-on. He sighed. He had to take this class this semester. A giant lecture with over 200 people in it. Even though he was about to graduate. Goddamn it.</p><p>He took a swig of his coffee, shuddered at the gross, bitter taste, and readied himself, pencil poised over a crisp new sheet of paper. However, as soon as the professor opened her mouth, Kei found that he likely wouldn’t have to take notes for the entirety of this class. She droned on and he sucked down another mouthful of coffee to stay awake. They were going over the <em> syllabus. </em></p><p>
  <em> Fuck me this is so boring. </em>
</p><p>He gave it another 2 minutes before tuning her out (he’d read through the syllabus already thank you very much, he wasn’t an idiot) and instead decided to check out what other losers were in this class with him.</p><p>His finger moved on its own, absently pinning a video to make it full-screen before clicking to the next person. He cycled through his classmates’ camera views, sizing them up in case any of them ever picked a fight with him (or if Kei wanted to pick a fight with them, either way). Sure, as a kid his height had solved a lot of potential bullying problems, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t send someone home crying with only his silver tongue and sharp wit if he wanted to. He’d done it before and would do it again.</p><p>He was thinking back fondly on intimidating Hinata and scaring him half-to-death when his heart stuttered in his chest.</p><p>He found someone that was… different. Weird, even. Yeah, that’s why his throat dried up. They were <em> weird. </em></p><p>That person turned out to be “Tadashi Yamaguchi (they/them)” as the digital name tag declared. Oh, they’d included pronouns. Kei wondered if he should have included his own pronouns. <em> Nah. </em> He didn’t want people in this class talking to him at all, so hopefully he wouldn’t even need them. Hell, he wouldn’t even need a name with the amount of interacting he was planning on doing. Which was, you guessed it: zero.</p><p>But… he couldn’t click away from Tadashi Yamaguchi. The way they moved was just…</p><p>Weird. Yeah, weird. Sure.</p><p>They tucked a lock of hair behind their ear and Kei’s eyes were glued to every little movement. It looked so… soft. The movements were graceful. Tadashi Yamaguchi moved their hands like they would float away at any given moment. As if they were suspended in the air. Almost like a bird.</p><p>Then he realized how creepy this was. Tadashi didn’t know Kei was watching them like this. </p><p><em> Then </em> he realized that someone could be watching <em> his </em> video in the same way and he would have no way of knowing. Shit, his video. He checked his feed. Damn, he was redder than usual. And it wasn’t because he thought Tadashi was weird.</p><p>It was because they were cute. Really cute. And pretty. And just… </p><p>Kei would have to see if they would hook up with him after this pandemic thing cleared up.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Tuesday 1am </em>
</p><p>Kei was up to his regular bullshit again. Staying up late to fuck around on the internet was nothing new for Kei, but after his first day of classes he had a headache and somehow he knew that his usual mix of gaming and yelling wasn’t going to do it for him right now. So instead he turned to his other hobby, ASMR.</p><p>He tended to overthink situations and his brother wouldn’t let him forget it. It was always “don’t think too hard about it” or “just relax, Kei.” Well Akiteru could go fuck himself. He didn’t need to be told something he already knew.</p><p>But actually doing it was a different story.</p><p>It was hard.</p><p>He couldn’t just shut it off. So, he got help through ASMR. He searched for his favorite type of video: unintelligible whispers. He liked the white-noise aspect. That he didn’t have to focus on anything, just the feeling that someone was there.</p><p>The search results populated and to his disappointment, he’d already watched all of the top videos. He could watch them again if he had to, but new videos distracted him better because he wasn’t thinking about what would happen next.</p><p>He scrolled down until an unwatched video popped up. Kei had never heard of the creator before. “Starshine.” He didn’t know why he said it out loud to himself in the dark, but he did.</p><p>The thumbnail looked... interesting. It was of a pair of well-glossed lips. Kei wished he could say they just looked aesthetically pleasing. But, okay fine the lips were sexy. The video had only been posted yesterday. He decided to give it a shot, adjusting his headphones and getting comfortable in bed. He decided to keep his glasses on and see those lips before he drifted off to sleep.</p><p>The screen was mostly black, just a silver microphone. Then someone walked into view, the camera, angled so that only their lips down to their waist was visible.</p><p>Kei liked how they moved, careful and slow.</p><p>A light blue button-down with a fluffy white cardigan framed a strong chest and delicate shoulders. It looked so soft and warm. Kei wanted to hug them. Which was a strange thought for him. Maybe he was getting sick.</p><p>He watched the whole video instead of going to sleep. Their slow, calming movements hypnotized him.</p><p>He watched the rest of Starshine’s videos over the course of that week. There were 179 of them. He was going to have to apply for a world record if he kept this up.</p><p>The videos were just so good. He always felt relaxed and warm afterwards. And also a little bit turned-on. But he was going to shove that feeling deep down. It was weird to think that just being loved and supported and cared for made him hard. Because that’s what most of Starshine’s videos were like: personal attention videos. No other ASMR affected him like this. It was unsettling. But not unpleasant.</p><p>Whatever. The videos helped with his buzzing brain, so he kept watching them. That was all.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Friday 4pm </em>
</p><p>He signed onto his recitation class for the first time. A smaller group that met weekly to discuss themes in the literature or whatever. Kei’s plan was to do the bare minimum and pass with flying colors, just like always.</p><p>But it turned out Tadashi Yamaguchi was in this class, too. Shit, maybe he would actually get to talk to them.</p><p>Kei sat silently through the class while Tadashi made some terribly compassionate and poetic observations about their Shakespeare reading. Kei couldn’t help the blush that rose in his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Saturday 11pm </em>
</p><p>Kei sat in bed, scrolling through his YouTube feed. When a new video by Starshine popped up, he reached for his headphones. “You’re loved” was the title and Kei couldn’t believe he would be watching mushy stuff like this, but at this point he would watch any video by Starshine just to see them again.</p><p>They leaned over the mic and whispered, “Hey, it’s me.”</p><p>Kei lay back, relaxing into the familiar way their voice seemed to massage his brain.</p><p>“I just wanted to make this video…”</p><p>Kei took off his glasses and placed them safely out of the way.</p><p>“Because some of you have been asking for some comforting words…”</p><p>Kei rolled his eyes.</p><p>“And I just wanted to give that to you. So,”</p><p>Kei wondered if this video was going to be a waste of time.</p><p>Starshine scratching the mic sent a small tingle down his neck. “I love you.”</p><p>Emotion welled in his throat and Kei felt stupid for it.</p><p>“You’re going to be okay.”</p><p>It turned out the video wasn’t a waste of time. And now Kei was crying. But it was a good cry. He felt held, like Starshine was reaching through the screen and wrapping him up in their arms.</p><p>But then the video ended and the reality that he was alone hit him like a freight train. Then it was a bad cry. He sniffled quietly into his pillow.</p><p>Kei had no idea he wanted to be loved so much. Another wave of emotion hit him and tears soaked into the pillow.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sunday 6pm </em>
</p><p>To Kei’s delight, it turned out that sleeping was one hell of a reset. Just like normal. Good.</p><p>He finished his homework quickly and decided to spend the rest of the night watching Starshine again. Why not? It was his time and he could do what he wanted.</p><p>After dinner, he thumbed through their uploaded videos, searching for something that wouldn’t make him cry this time. He decided on “Bee Happy” which looked like some cute bee-aesthetic comfort video. That seemed safe.</p><p>It was not safe. But this time it was for an entirely different reason. 2 minutes in and Kei was blazing hot underneath his blanket.</p><p>Starshine’s lips were wrapped around a honeycomb, sucking on it noisily.</p><p>Kei was hard.</p><p>Starshine bit down, teeth gliding easily through the golden thing while honey dripped down their pink chin.</p><p>Kei was losing his damn mind.</p><p>“Oops, haha…” They finished the honeycomb before cleaning up with a washcloth, making an extra effort to produce interesting sounds with the fabric.</p><p>The energy was so much hornier in this video than any of Starshine’s other work and Kei had no idea how it hadn’t been age-restricted. Not that he was complaining…</p><p>“It’s so messy. Sorry guys.” They whispered.</p><p>
  <em> No, no. Don’t be sorry. </em>
</p><p>Tingles zinged up his neck when Starshine brought out a little bee-styled plushie and brushed it over the mic.</p><p><em> This is so weird, Kei. </em> He told himself when he wrapped a hand around his dick. <em> You’re so weird. </em></p><p>Starshine seemed to be intentionally riling him up though, because the next thing Kei knew, a voice breathed close to the mic and whispered, “so cute.”</p><p>It took Kei a second to realize they were talking about the bee.</p><p>“I got this little guy at the market today and he was so cute I couldn’t resist.”</p><p>Kei huffed. Why was he so annoyed that Starshine wasn’t talking about him? It was stupid. This wasn’t a two-way thing. He was watching a video. Alone. Stupid.</p><p>“Almost as cute as you.” Starshine giggled.</p><p><em>Fuck.</em> <em>Stop it stop it stop it.</em> He stroked himself faster.</p><p>Starshine decided now was a good time to lick a new honeycomb.</p><p>Kei agreed. He whined when he pictured those plump lips on him instead, leaving a trail of sticky lip gloss in their wake.</p><p>Starshine hummed while they ate. Which Kei thought was unnecessary, but his dick sure appreciated it. He was close now.</p><p>To Kei’s absolute delight, the next portion of the video was dribbling honey onto Starshine’s hand and then licking it off.</p><p>
  <em> What even is this video? Is this actually supposed to be this suggestive or am I just a fucking perv? </em>
</p><p>Starshine sucked a whole finger in their mouth and made a noise that sounded absolutely <em> self-aware </em> of what this was doing to Kei.</p><p>He wasn’t thinking clearly and his glasses were falling down and he didn’t care. He immediately shoved a finger into his own mouth, matching both his hands to the rhythm of Starshine’s finger. He could almost imagine it was Starshine shoving down his throat. Could almost taste the honey.</p><p>“So messy,” they repeated playfully before sucking again, using their tongue in ways that should have been illegal.</p><p>Kei couldn’t take it. He stuffed another finger into his mouth. An image of Starshine dribbling honey on <em> him </em> and slowly licking it off flooded his senses.</p><p>Starshine made a soft moan and it pushed Kei over the edge.</p><p>He came with a silent scream, fisting himself through it.</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Monday 8am </em>
</p><p>He was in a significantly better mood. Probably because of the ASMR. Definitely because of the ASMR. Akiteru mentioned it on their monthly phone call. The only way Kei had convinced them to go with monthly instead of <em>daily</em> was because of the hellish time-difference. It still wasn't a very good excuse, but Kei was clinging to it.</p><p>“You seem happier, Kei!”</p><p>“Okay.” He pushed an eraser around on his desk while he listened to his brother.</p><p>“C’mon, who is she?”</p><p>He swallowed his tongue, flicking the eraser just a bit too hard and sending it flying to the ground. “What?”</p><p>“You can tell me.” He giggled.</p><p>Kei was disgusted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p><p>Akiteru was pushy, though. Had been for years. “Bro, I’m not mom. If you want to tell me about your girlfriend or sex life, that’s totally fine! I can take it. Maybe even give you some tips!”</p><p>Kei knew that if he hung up Akiteru would just keep calling back until he answered. “Listen, there’s no one. And I don’t know why you think I want to tell you about my intimate life.” <em> I haven’t even told you I’m probably gay. </em></p><p>“See, when you say things like that it makes me think you’ve been hooking up and really want to talk about it.”</p><p>Kei contemplated hanging up anyway. But instead he settled for the real reason he’d used in his own head every day to explain why he wasn’t getting any. “There’s a <em> pandemic. </em> We have to stay in our dorms. I wouldn’t put myself in danger like that.”</p><p>“Lies.”</p><p><em> Shit, he was right. </em> If Tadashi asked him to hook up, Kei would probably do it. He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. “...Think what you want.”</p><p>Akiteru laughed. “I knew it.”</p><p>“Knew what?” His brother was particularly exhausting today.</p><p>The eyebrow waggle was almost audible. “Oh, <em> you know </em>.”</p><p>He really didn’t. “I really don’t.”</p><p>Akiteru was about to respond when a sudden shuffling stabbed Kei in the ears. He yanked the phone away. The muffled voice of his mother and Akiteru talking about what to eat for breakfast could be heard lightly. Then Akiteru told her he was on the phone with his brother.</p><p>“Hi Kei!” His mother was the only person he knew who could shout <em> softly </em>.</p><p>“Hi mom.” He sighed.</p><p>The conversation dragged on for another half an hour. They wouldn’t let him go until he’d told his mom everything about his classes (he conveniently left out Tadashi) and said goodbye at least 8 times. To each of them.</p><p>He ended the call and to his relief, neither his mom nor his brother tried calling back. He collapsed into his chair. His horny brain thought about trying to find another sexy Starshine video. But it was only 9:30am and he had class soon. So he settled in to look over some notes, counting down the hours until he could see Starshine again.</p><p>
  <em> Pathetic. </em>
</p><p>It was 9:45 and he boiled water for a coffee. He munched on an apple before starting up his computer.</p><p>A few minutes later, he was in class. He pinned Tadashi’s video so that it was full screen, of course. He was watching intently, way past the idea of it being creepy. Tadashi worried their bottom lip between their teeth and Kei’s stomach dropped into his shoes.</p><p><em> Shit. </em> Those lips. Kei knew those lips. He’d jerked off to those same lips last night. He checked again. <em> Fuck. </em></p><p>What the fuck. Apparently Starshine was in his class and was named Tadashi Yamaguchi. What were the chances? Apparently pretty fucking high!</p><p>Kei breathed quietly through his nose, mindful of being on camera. He didn’t want to broadcast his unraveling to the 200 people in this lecture.</p><p>But his mind was still spinning.</p><p>How did they get into ASMR? Did they mean for that honey video to be so sexual? Why didn’t Tadashi wear lip gloss in class? They wore it in every video and it was <em> stunning. </em> Was it all an act? <em> Obviously! </em> He beat himself up. <em> It’s obviously a character! </em></p><p>Kei had no idea what was going on in class anymore. It didn’t matter. He’d finished that week’s homework yesterday.</p><p>He exited out of full screen. He couldn’t handle looking at Tadashi right now.</p><p>He did some breathing exercises.</p><p>He was calm. He was calm. He was--</p><p>A private message popped up on his screen.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Can I talk to you after class? </em>
</p><p>Kei had to turn off his camera and pace around the room for a few minutes before he could respond. <em> Do they know?! What the hell? No, that’s impossible, Kei, stop it. </em></p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: Yes. </em>
</p><p>He almost didn’t stay. The moment class ended, Kei turned his camera off but reluctantly stuck around, watching students blip out of existence.</p><p>When a TA asked if they had any questions, Tadashi stumbled over their words and explained that they wanted to talk to Tsukishima about class stuff and didn’t have any other way to communicate yet. The TA shrugged and signed off.</p><p>A notification popped up: <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi has become the host. </em></p><p>Kei turned his camera back on and watched in what he hoped was a non-creepy way while Tadashi nervously fiddled off-camera.</p><p>Kei wondered what in the hell they had to be nervous about.</p><p>“Do you want to do the group project with me?”</p><p>His heart fluttered. Honestly he planned on emailing the prof requesting to do it alone. He didn’t need other people slowing him down. But…</p><p>“I know this is kind of out-of-the-blue so you don’t have to! It’s a 2-person project and you seem like the coolest kid in class. Not to mention the smartest. I don’t want to be a burden, but I kind of need a little extra help with--”</p><p>“Yes.” Maybe he could make an exception.</p><p>“O--oh? Really?”</p><p>“Yeah, no problem.” This was the first of many times Kei said yes to Tadashi before thinking.</p><p>“Great!” They fixed their hair. Kei was enthralled. “I’m Yamaguchi.”</p><p>Oh. Do they prefer Yamaguchi? “Tsukishima. He/him.”</p><p>“Oh,” Yamaguchi flushed. “I go by they/them! People don’t usually say their pronouns, so I always feel weird doing it. Thanks!”</p><p>“I figured I should since I didn’t put it in my nametag.” He admitted.</p><p>Yamaguchi beamed. “You pay attention to that stuff? That’s really sweet of you.”</p><p>Tsukishima shrugged. “Common courtesy.”</p><p>“Do you text?” Yamaguchi shifted in their chair and started rambling nervously, “because we should probably have a way to talk so that we can meet to talk about--”</p><p>“Yes. I text.”</p><p>“Cool.” Yamaguchi struggled to keep hair out of their face. “Can I get your number, then?”</p><p>Well, this wasn’t the ideal way he wanted to get Tadashi’s phone number, but it was something. “Sure.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Tuesday 9am </em>
</p><p>Okay, this was really weird.</p><p>It hadn’t even been a full 24 hours and Kei was already dying. It wasn’t because Yamaguchi wasn’t texting him. Quite the opposite, in fact. Tadashi was a disgustingly cute texter and his inbox was flooded. They would send a little heart emoji after messages sometimes and Kei’s face would burst into flames.</p><p>He hadn’t watched any ASMR videos last night out of pure shame.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Can we meet up sometime to talk about the project? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kei: Tomorrow work for you? </em>
</p><p>He clutched his phone to his chest. This was too much.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wednesday 5pm </em>
</p><p>Kei waited for Yamaguchi to sign on to the video call. He noticed he was twiddling his fingers and stopped.</p><p>“Hey!” They filled up his screen.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>They talked about the project. It was fairly easy, especially since Yamaguchi seemed to just go along with whatever he said. It was all fine until they had nothing more to say about the project. A thick silence hung in the air.</p><p>“Would you want to have a weekly study date with me?” Yamaguchi blurted.</p><p>Kei’s stomach flipped giddily. “I-- Uh--”</p><p>“I’m sorry!” They wrung their hands. “I know you’re probably super busy. I just don’t really get this material <em> at all </em> and I--”</p><p>“I’m not busy.” He interrupted. Which was a crime because why would he ever want Yamaguchi to stop talking? Their voice was mesmerizing.</p><p>“...Really?”</p><p>Yamaguchi’s voice was so hopeful it made Kei’s heart squeeze. He shrugged. “Yeah.”</p><p>“Would Fridays after class be okay?”</p><p>Kei agreed without even asking how long Yamaguchi wanted to meet for because he didn’t care. He would gladly spend every Friday night with them. It’s not like he was going on dates with anyone else.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Thursday 10pm </em>
</p><p>Kei crumbled and watched a Starshine video. After all the lovey messages Yamaguchi was sending him, he couldn’t stand it anymore.</p><p>He was too horny.</p><p>He thumbed through the uploads and found their newest video: “Lip Gloss Application and Mouth Sounds.” He shivered. This was so shitty of him. He shouldn’t be doing this.</p><p>He clicked on the video.</p><p>Yamaguchi’s lips popped up.</p><p>“Hey, it’s me.”</p><p>Kei knew he was going to hell for what he was about to do.</p><p>“I just got a new set of lip glosses, so I wanted to try them out!”</p><p><em> I’m trash I’m trash I’m trash. </em> He stuck his hand down his pants.</p><p>“Tell me which one you like the best in the comments and maybe I’ll wear that one next time.”</p><p>Oh, Kei would definitely comment. He watched, enchanted, as Yamaguchi carefully applied each one, showing it to the camera proudly in a way that was just so endearing.</p><p>Kei loved how happy they were with each result.</p><p>He forgot to jerk off because he was so hypnotized by the makeup skills with each product application.</p><p>Then Yamaguchi made a comment about one of the colors feeling “sexy” and pulled their bottom lip between their teeth before biting lightly. They made a quivering noise and from there it was over for Kei.</p><p>Then he focused on Yamaguchi’s lips and he forgot all about which color was his favorite because he was thrusting into his hand while Yamaguchi made kissing noises at the camera.</p><p>
  <em> I’mtrashI’mtrashI’mtrashI’mtra--ohfuckfuckfuckfuck-- </em>
</p><p>Kei spilled over his hand, the sound of Yamaguchi’s kisses filling his ears.</p><p>
  <em> I hate it here. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Friday 10am </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: see you tonight! &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>Kei was starting to question whether this was actually a real date or still just a study session because the amount of hearts in Yamaguchi’s messages was starting to raise suspicion.</p><p>He hoped it was a real date. But that was most likely his own mind playing tricks on him. People used the term “study date” all the time. He’d heard it used platonically before. Right?</p><p>Besides, he didn’t even know if Yamaguchi liked guys. Better safe than sorry. <em> Don’t assume it’s a real date. </em></p><p>He went to classes until it was time to meet up.</p><p>He clicked on the meeting link.</p><p>Yamaguchi filled his screen a few minutes later.</p><p>Kei tried not to feel too guilty about what he’d done last night. It wasn’t working.</p><p>“Hey, it’s me!”</p><p>
  <em> Fuck, that’s the opening of their videos. </em>
</p><p>“Hi. Yeah.” He choked out.</p><p>“Sorry I’m a little late, I was filming.”</p><p>Kei’s heart dropped through the floor. “Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah. I kinda do the whole YouTube thing.” They said bashfully.</p><p>Kei decided to ignore the pit in his stomach. “Don’t worry about it. I’m still good to study.”</p><p>“Cool!” Yamaguchi beamed and Kei felt like he was getting sunburnt from how bright it was.</p><p><em> Stop being so cute my heart can’t take it. </em> “Okay, so what do you have questions about?”</p><p>Yamaguchi fussed with their notebook papers, trying to find the right page. “You’ve already done it?”</p><p>“I do all my homework for the coming week on Sunday nights.” Kei explained.</p><p>Yamaguchi gaped at him. “Isn’t that, like, hard?”</p><p>
  <em> That’s not the only thing that’s hard. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I really need to shut the fuck up. </em>
</p><p>“No, not really.” He shrugged.</p><p>He watched fondly as Yamaguchi tried to pick their jaw up off the floor. “Oh wow. I figured you were smart but… wow.”</p><p>Kei bit his lip and the room felt at least 5 degrees hotter. Yamaguchi thought he was cool. <em> Yamaguchi </em> thought he was cool. “I--it’s not a big deal.”</p><p>“Well, I haven’t even started yet, so maybe we could go through it together?” They asked shyly.</p><p>Kei agreed a little too quickly.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sunday 5pm </em>
</p><p>He was doing homework when his phone vibrated.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Thanks for all your help! I took this week’s quiz and I got 100%!! &lt;3 &lt;3 You’re the best! *hugs* </em>
</p><p>Kei really needed Yamaguchi to stop playing with him like this.</p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: np. See you Friday? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Ya!! Can’t wait! :D Sorry to interrupt your homework day! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: Don’t worry about it. </em>
</p><p>His head wouldn’t stop spinning and he felt a smile tug at his lips. <em> Fuck. </em></p><p>He was going to cum so hard tonight.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Friday 7pm </em>
</p><p>He was studying with Yamaguchi and the guilt was killing him. Kei was pretty sure he was going to die of shame. He couldn’t stop looking at Yamaguchi’s lips and wondering why the fuck they didn’t wear lip gloss in real life.</p><p>“So, are you feeling okay to present on Monday?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m all good! Thank you for all your help. You’re a life-saver!”</p><p>Kei’s ears burned. “No problem.”</p><p>“I would ask if you’re ready, too, but we both know you’ve had this project done since the day it was assigned.” Yamaguchi said sweetly.</p><p>If Kei didn’t think too hard about it, he would think Yamaguchi was flirting with him. But Kei always thought too hard about things. Which is why he needed ASMR in the first place. “I mean--”</p><p>Yamaguchi rolled their eyes at him and Kei shut himself up.</p><p>After they both put the finishing touches on their presentation, they decided to study for the quiz.</p><p>Yamaguchi asked a question every now-and-then while Kei did next week’s homework in advance. Until they asked something that wasn’t about homework.</p><p>“Do you know about ASMR?” Yamaguchi said casually.</p><p>Kei dropped his pencil.</p><p>He picked it back up.</p><p>“Yeah.” He started looking like he was busy writing something down. He wasn’t.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>Kei didn’t know if he'd successfully dodged the topic or not.</p><p>“Do... you like it?” Yamaguchi sounded self-conscious and unsure.</p><p>Shit. Kei couldn’t meet their eyes. “Yeah.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>He gripped the pencil tightly. “I’ve… actually seen some of your videos.” He said carefully.</p><p>Yamaguchi immediately lit up. “Yeah? What did you think??”</p><p>Kei flushed. “Good.” He allowed.</p><p>Yamaguchi asked which ones he’d seen and Kei felt quite cornered.</p><p>“The… honey one.” He decided.</p><p>“Oh.” Yamaguchi buzzed excitedly. “I liked making that one a lot!”</p><p>“Yeah? That’s good.” He didn’t really know what else to say.</p><p>“So, do you have any advice? What did you like? Do you think I should do more eating videos?”</p><p>Kei was overwhelmed. Only a short while ago he’d contemplated leaving a comment in the <em> hopes </em> that Yamaguchi <em> might </em> see it. And now here they were asking him for real advice. “I don’t know. It’s not like I paid that close of attention to them.” He heard Akiteru’s words echo in his head: <em> Lies. </em></p><p>“Oh.” Yamaguchi wilted.</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p>“Sorry, yeah. Of course.” They both went back to their homework problems.</p><p>Kei felt like shit.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>He couldn’t keep going like this. “The honey parts.”</p><p>Yamaguchi looked up. “Hm?”</p><p>Kei took a breath. He struggled to get the words out.“When you licked the honey off your hands… I, um. It was very… good.”</p><p>Yamaguchi flashed him a 100-watt smile. “Cool.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sunday 11:59pm </em>
</p><p>Kei was getting stressed again. He couldn’t sleep. He knew it was because of the presentation he and Yamaguchi had tomorrow even though there was nothing to be worried about. He and Yamaguchi had it covered. There was <em> nothing </em> to worry about.</p><p>But his brain wouldn’t shut off.</p><p>He pulled out his phone and headphones.</p><p>Maybe Yamaguchi could help him get to sleep.</p><p>
  <em> What a shitty thing to think. </em>
</p><p>But Yamaguchi had made it pretty clear they were more than okay with him watching their videos.</p><p>But he didn’t think they’d be okay with him <em> masturbating </em> to them.</p><p>Kei found their channel and searched for the most recent upload. “Honey II.”</p><p><em> Fuck me. </em> If Yamaguchi had done this specifically because Kei had said he liked the honey one…</p><p>“Hey, it’s me.”</p><p>
  <em> I’m so going to hell. </em>
</p><p>“I got a recommendation from a <em> friend </em> that honey was… good.” Yamaguchi smirked at the camera.</p><p>Kei bit his lip. What the actual fuck was going on?</p><p>“And I liked making the last one so much…”</p><p>Kei palmed himself through his boxers.</p><p>“So here you go. Enjoy!”</p><p>Kei was sure that he would enjoy.</p><p>Yamaguchi apologized and said that they didn’t have any more honeycomb right now (Kei didn’t give a fuck) but that they would do their best.</p><p>The cute bee made a reappearance. Kei was amused.</p><p>Then Yamaguchi pulled out a regular bottle of honey with the labels removed and poured a glob of it on their thumb. Kei watched it dribble down their skin. He tried to imagine what honey would feel like dripping down his own skin. Then Yamaguchi applied the honey like lip gloss.</p><p>Kei liked the way it made their lips shine. Almost like golden stardust.</p><p>Yamaguchi stuck out their tongue, showing off the back of their throat.</p><p>Kei didn’t know why the hell they did that but he wasn’t complaining as his mind suddenly hit him with the image of his dick sliding down that throat. He groaned quietly and humped the air. He couldn’t touch himself. Not when Yamaguchi knew he was watching.</p><p>Their tongue slowly rubbed over their lips until no honey was left. They stuck out their tongue again, showing an empty throat again.</p><p>Kei thrust into the air again, imagining Yamaguchi’s mouth right there. Taking him down to the hilt. He clamped his mouth shut, leaking into his boxers.</p><p>Yamaguchi repeated the process three times.</p><p>Kei gripped the sheets to keep from touching himself. His hips kept stuttering forward, though. He couldn’t stop that.</p><p>Yamaguchi smeared honey over their lips again and Kei wondered what it would feel like to have honey on his most private parts. Yamaguchi thoroughly licked their lips to get every morsel of honey and Kei pictured Yamaguchi roughly licking every inch of his leaking member to get the honey off. They would have to explore every groove, every bit of him to make sure they hadn’t missed any. What if some of it trickled down, down, down as he lay on his back--</p><p>Kei gasped when he thought about Yamaguchi shoving their tongue inside him. He fisted the sheets hard.</p><p>That section of the video ended and Kei waited, hazy and vulnerable, to see what else Yamaguchi had in store <em> for him. </em></p><p>Yamaguchi dribbled honey onto their hands and played with the sticky substance.</p><p>Kei loved the way they moved their hands. He wanted those hands on him.</p><p>“It feels so weird.” Yamaguchi marvelled. “I wish you could feel it, guys.”</p><p>
  <em> Do it, coward. Put honey on me. But only if you promise to lick it off. </em>
</p><p>Kei’s thought came true because just then Yamaguchi began licking the honey off their hands.</p><p>This time, it was worse.</p><p>They stuck out their tongue and slowly pressed one finger into their waiting mouth.</p><p>Kei was certain YouTube was going to take this video down. He didn’t know on what grounds, but he was pretty sure this had to be breaking several decency laws.</p><p>Yamaguchi continued pushing into their mouth until the finger was fully in their throat. No gagging.</p><p>Kei gave in. He plunged his hands into his boxers and began playing with himself. Not enough to be satisfactory. He wanted this to last. He wrapped one hand around himself loosely and the other traveled down to press against his hole.</p><p>Yamaguchi pushed the finger in and out in a motion that looked suspiciously like it wasn’t just a finger.</p><p>This was so much.</p><p>Yamaguchi started adding fingers.</p><p>Kei bucked into his hand and huffed when his rim tightened against his finger.</p><p>Yamaguchi sucked on the fingers until the honey was gone.</p><p>Kei just about lost it when Yamaguchi started on the other hand.</p><p>This was going to be a long night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Starshine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What can Tsukki do now that he knows his crush makes ASMR? Oh yeah, totally just jerk off to it and not feel bad AT ALL OKAY? IT'LL BE FINE DON'T WORRY ABOU--</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry but I'm also not.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Monday 10:20am </em>
</p><p>Kei Tsukishima was late for class. Which was frustrating but not unexpected. He’d… been a little distracted last night and stayed up too late. After fingering his own throat and a few other places, he’d rolled around in bed with a giant pit of guilt in his stomach instead of actually sleeping. Getting his brain to shut down had not been easy nor fun.</p><p>Kei rushed to get dressed, texting an apology to Yamaguchi while he yanked a shirt over his head and shoved his glasses back up his nose.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: It’s okay! Prof says we can go last! </em>
</p><p>Kei still felt bad. He wondered if there would ever be a time when he wasn’t feeling guilty or bad for something he shouldn’t have done.</p><p>He hurriedly sat at his desk and waited for the internet router to stop being a piece of shit so he could sign on. Probably from so many kids trying to log on for classes at once. He’d never been late enough to deal with this.</p><p>His phone vibrated and Kei looked over.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: :( I hope everything is okay &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>Kei really needed to get his heart checked because it was doing all sorts of stupid things like jumping into his throat every time Yamaguchi texted.</p><p>His internet bars refilled and his classmates’ faces blipped onscreen. Kei tried to focus.</p><p>The presentations were boring. Yamaguchi and Kei exhibited last, as promised.</p><p>It went smoothly for the most part. Which was unsurprising. Yamaguchi had a gift for talking in front of people. Okay, maybe Kei just thought they had a gift for talking <em> in general. </em> They were just so good at the action of talking that it actually distracted Kei a few times. Yeah… he could listen to their voice all day. He’d definitely listened to it all night on multiple occasions.</p><p>
  <em> No. Stop. </em>
</p><p>Class continued on as expected. However, what Kei didn’t expect was the way his gaze kept drifting to Yamaguchi’s hands during the presentation.</p><p>The presentation consisted of Kei talking about his own slide (which was fine), then he would wait expectantly for Yamaguchi to do their part (which they did. It was <em> fine </em>).</p><p>But it wasn’t <em> fine </em> when Yamaguchi placed a finger on their bottom lip thoughtfully while talking and Kei couldn’t force the image from “Honey II” out of his head. He thought about Yamaguchi shoving it into their mouth maybe a little more roughly than in the video and--</p><p>
  <em> S T O P . </em>
</p><p>The third time Yamaguchi caught him staring, Kei decided he had to do something about this.</p><p>The presentation concluded with the professor asking Kei if he was okay only twice. Which was pretty good considering how much Kei had been looking at Yamaguchi instead of his talking points.</p><p>“I’m <em> fine.” </em></p><p>He wasn’t.</p><p>Especially not when Yamaguchi looked him dead in the eye and swiped a finger across their bottom lip. The plump skin stretched <em> beautifully </em> under the touch and Kei suddenly felt like his room was too hot.</p><p>Honestly, Kei was impressed with himself for lasting this long. It was getting hard to think.</p><p>
  <em> Hard. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Shut the hell your mouth, me. </em>
</p><p>“Thank you everyone for your hard work! You can sign off and I’ll talk more about your homework on Wedn--”</p><p>Kei was out. He clicked the exit button without hesitation. He needed to <em> get out of there. </em></p><p>When the faces disappeared and his camera was definitely off, Kei let out a heaving breath and collapsed onto his desk.</p><p>This was so bad.</p><p>And he was so hard.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Friday 7pm </em>
</p><p>“Did you watch my Honey video?” Yamaguchi asked during their next study session.</p><p>Kei choked on his water. Why wouldn’t Yamaguchi just drop it? He already felt bad enough as it was. “Maybe.”</p><p>They giggled and Kei’s heart fluttered.</p><p>He crushed the happy feeling into submission. <em> Nope, you’ve defiled them and probably broken some friendship treaty about never jerking off to them. You don’t get to like their laugh. Just friends. </em></p><p>“What did you think of it?” They prodded lightheartedly.</p><p>Kei just hummed in what he hoped was a somewhat-absent endorsement. Apparently that wasn’t enough of an answer.</p><p>“...Did you like it?” They smiled.</p><p>He shrugged. “...yeah.”</p><p>Yamaguchi nodded thoughtfully and turned back to their homework problems.</p><p>Kei caught a twinge of mischief in their eyes. His stomach clenched. But he tried to ignore it and look busy. He started on homework that wouldn’t be due until after the upcoming break next week.</p><p>“Hey, Tsukki?”</p><p>He snapped his eyes back to the screen, somehow knocking over his water bottle in the process, spilling everywhere. <em> Tsukki? </em>What the hell? Why was that so cute?</p><p>Yamaguchi blurted apology after apology while Kei tried to rescue his electronics and notes.</p><p>“My phone doesn’t allow contact names longer than 9 characters so I had to improvise!”</p><p>Kei blushed as he sopped up the water with cheap tissues.</p><p>“I just got so used to seeing it with your texts and I slipped up.”</p><p>“No, that’s okay.” Kei didn’t care how it had come about, he wanted the nickname to stick.</p><p>“Oh. Alright.”</p><p>He finished cleaning up in silence, crossing to the opposite side of his room to throw the tissues away. He turned back to see Yamaguchi with their finger pressed against their bottom lip, teasing the skin softly.</p><p>Kei felt hot where he stood, frozen in place.</p><p>They were looking at him. Something about it was <em> predatory. </em></p><p>Kei felt a little naked with his whole body in frame like this rather than just his head.</p><p>Yamaguchi pushed the finger slowly past their lips, unblinking.</p><p>Okay, ‘hot’ didn’t cover it. He didn’t feel ‘hot’ anymore. Now Kei felt like he was being engulfed in <em>hellfire. </em>He hungrily ate up the view of Yamaguchi pushing their finger slightly in and out of their mouth. But the guilty pit in his stomach only grew larger.</p><p>They took the finger out with a pop and fixed him with a stare. “So you <em> did </em> like it.”</p><p>“Huh?” Kei couldn’t look away from their hand, shiny with spit.</p><p>“The Honey video.” Their eyes glinted, looking him up and down. “That’s what I did in Honey II.”</p><p>He realized too late that he should cover himself. From this angle, Yamaguchi could probably see him getting hard. “I already said I liked it!”</p><p>“Yeah, but you didn’t say it clearly.” They wiped off their hand and went back to studying like nothing had happened.</p><p>
  <em> What? </em>
</p><p>Kei had no idea what was going on. All he knew was confusion. He needed some time to think. He glanced down. <em> And maybe blow off some steam. </em></p><p>“What did you get for question--”</p><p>“I’ve gotta go.”</p><p>Yamaguchi deflated. “Oh. Okay.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh no, you don’t get to make me feel bad for leaving after… whatever all that was. </em>
</p><p>“Have a good break!” They said brightly. “See you in two weeks! Unless, you wanna text over--”</p><p>Kei exited the video without saying goodbye.</p><p>
  <em> What the hell is going on? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Monday 3pm </em>
</p><p>Kei was masturbating again. This was getting absolutely ridiculous. Honestly, it had been ridiculous for a while now, Kei just didn’t want to admit it.</p><p>Here he was, alone in his dorm room with his underwear around his ankles, eyes and ears glued to one of the last few unwatched Starshine videos. It seemed that he was watching them faster than Yamaguchi could upload them. He was about to fully run out of new videos and would soon have to start again on the old ones. Kei knew exactly which one he would rewatch first. Honey filled his memory and he gasped.</p><p>But it was a fleeting thought as his attention was sucked into the current show on his computer screen. Yamaguchi was displaying a shirt that had a particularly interesting texture. They traced their hands all over their shoulders and arms.</p><p>Kei wanted to touch so badly.</p><p>He wanted to<em> be </em> touched.</p><p>When Yamaguchi slid their hands over each shoulder and squeezed tightly, Tsukishima’s mind conjured up an image of himself gripping Yamaguchi.</p><p>When Starshine let out a tiny gasp, Kei thought about pushing them against a wall and kissing them hard.</p><p>He thought about those hands on him.</p><p>That chest against his.</p><p>Those strong but petite shoulders.</p><p>Kei muffled a soft moan into his pillow. <em> So close... </em></p><p>His phone buzzed and he was about to ignore it before a very specific name popped up.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Hey &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>Kei groaned.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Wanna hang out tomorrow?  </em>
</p><p>Kei tried to stop his jerking hips but it was a losing battle.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Miss you &lt;3 &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>Kei bit his lip and breathed heavily through his nose as he came.</p><p>He lay there for a few minutes trying not to think about what had just happened. He plucked a tissue and started cleaning up. <em>This is so bad.</em> <em>I should say no. I should--</em></p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: Yeah. </em>
</p><p>He collapsed onto his bed. <em> I’m so stupid. </em></p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Yayayayayyyy! Can’t waitttt!! &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>Kei turned over in bed, trying to nap. His heart swelled and his mind buzzed happily.</p><p>
  <em> Stupid. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Tuesday 2pm </em>
</p><p>“How are you?” Yamaguchi’s voice tinkled. They looked absolutely adorable today. Like they’d dressed up for… him?</p><p>Kei couldn’t concentrate. Even less than usual. Again, this was <em> ridiculous. </em></p><p>“Tsukki...?”</p><p><em> Oh fuck, the nickname. </em> “Yeah?”</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>He nodded shortly.</p><p>“How’s your break going?”</p><p>“It’s been two days.” Kei reminded dryly.</p><p>“Oh. Haha, yeah…” They scratched the back of their neck and Kei’s eyes followed the movement.</p><p>“It’s been fine.” He mumbled, not ready to admit he’d greedily binged more of their videos the night before.</p><p>Yamaguchi hummed as they picked up something small that Kei couldn’t see.</p><p>He squinted.</p><p>It was a tube of lipgloss.</p><p>Kei swallowed.</p><p>Yamaguchi talked about how sunny it was while they unscrewed the tube, playing with the cap like they did in their videos.</p><p>Kei didn’t care about the weather.</p><p>They pulled out the wand and Kei waited with baited breath as they gently brushed it onto their bottom lip.</p><p>It was the “sexy” shade from the video.</p><p>The one that had made Yamaguchi bite their lip and moan.</p><p>Kei straightened his glasses eagerly.</p><p>“Like it?”</p><p><em> Shit. </em> Those eyes were on him and unlike when he was alone, Starshine could <em> see </em> him. Kei was cornered and his body was reacting.</p><p>“I’ve been trying to work up the courage to wear lipgloss in public. Somehow I feel safer doing it online.”</p><p>Kei didn’t know why the hell their voice was so small all of a sudden. “You look great.” He said, unthinking.</p><p>Yamaguchi almost dropped the tube of lipgloss, face going red. “Thank you! I--um--!” They floundered.</p><p>Kei’s heart rustled in excitement at the break in composure.</p><p>“I--I haven’t e--even really applied it yet!” They stammered. “I’ll look much better when--”</p><p>Kei couldn’t help himself. “I know.”</p><p>Yamaguchi’s face was hopeful. “Y--you’ve seen that one, too?!”</p><p>Kei crossed his arms to hide his lack of confidence. “Yeah.” He muttered.</p><p>“Oh! Um, thank you!”</p><p>Kei replied with a small nod.</p><p>“...You think I look good?” They continued applying the gloss.</p><p>“Mhm.” Kei couldn’t say much else because all he could do was stare as Yamaguchi pushed and pulled their own lips with the wand. Were they intentionally sticking their lip out like that or was that just how lipgloss worked?</p><p>“How about the shade?”</p><p>Kei covered his mouth before he said something stupid.</p><p>“Do you like the shade of it?”</p><p>Kei didn’t answer. Only pressed his fingers closer against his mouth.</p><p>“I like it <em> a lot.” </em> They finished awkwardly and began massaging their lips together, spreading the color around.</p><p>“I’m glad.” Kei choked out.</p><p>Yamaguchi smiled before they stuck a finger deep into their mouth, lightly cradled it between their lips, and carefully drew it out.</p><p>Kei gripped his own mouth in despair, dick twitching in his pants.</p><p>“My mom taught me that! It’s to make sure that no lip-stuff gets on your teeth. Isn’t it neat?” They beamed at him, full lipgloss application complete.</p><p>Kei was going to hell. Why even wait for death? He was already here. In hell. This was hell. </p><p>“So, what’s the verdict?” They showed off the new look, light reflecting off plump lips.</p><p>“Cool.” He agreed, internally screaming.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wednesday 5pm </em>
</p><p>Kei was staring up at the ceiling in bed. Maybe if he concentrated hard enough on the pattern, he could forget about Yamaguchi.</p><p>This was his one free week with no classes. He had to get his feelings in order before going back and seeing them again.</p><p>It wasn’t going well so far.</p><p>So far he’d managed to text Yamaguchi more than usual and also hang out with them.</p><p>
  <em> So much for figuring out my feelings. </em>
</p><p>Kei realized with a growing unease that he probably wouldn’t be able to stand being just friends with the beautiful Yamaguchi for much longer without something breaking. Whether that something was him or not, Kei didn’t know. He just hoped it wouldn’t be his heart.</p><p>Another thing he realized was that he’d finished all of Starshine’s uploads and now it seemed that during their hangouts, Kei couldn’t see a single part of their body without remembering some video that featured it and popping a surprise boner.</p><p>There had been an entire video dedicated to their hands which Kei had drooled over… </p><p>A video for their shoulders which Kei wanted to touch so badly… </p><p>Their neck even… </p><p>Kei realized he’d been playing with himself absent-mindedly through his pants. He jerked his hand away. <em> Fuck this. </em></p><p>R I D I C U L O U S.</p><p>He grabbed his phone. Yamaguchi had been texting him, apparently.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Wanna hang out later? </em>
</p><p>Kei bit his lip.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: I miss you &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>Kei’s heart dropped.</p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: I can’t. </em>
</p><p>He turned off his phone and pushed it away.</p><p>It was irresponsible of him to keep seeing Yamaguchi if he couldn’t control his damn self. He didn’t want to make Yamaguchi feel uncomfortable. Okay, maybe that wasn’t the real reason. Yamaguchi seemed completely comfortable. <em> Kei </em> couldn’t deal with his feelings anymore. <em> He </em> didn’t want to be uncomfortable.</p><p>Best to just not. For his own mental stability.</p><p>He didn’t watch any Starshine videos that night. Kei had a hard time getting to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Thursday 3pm </em>
</p><p>Kei woke up way too late.</p><p>There were text messages. One from his mother reminding him to call them over break. One from Akiteru pestering him about how to get Kei’s birthday gift to him. Another from Yamaguchi.</p><p>Kei opened the last one.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Hang out later? </em>
</p><p>The pit in his stomach ate at him.</p><p>His fingers hovered over the keyboard.</p><p>This was tough. Did he want to completely shut them out? No. But he couldn’t keep seeing them, either. Not with the way Kei’s body and mind had been reacting.</p><p>He shut off his phone and rolled over in bed.</p><p>The rest of the day passed by and Kei hadn’t screwed enough courage up to answer.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Friday 4pm </em>
</p><p>He sipped on a soft drink and scrolled past texts from Yamaguchi to instead phoned his brother. As promised.</p><p>The line rang twice before Akiteru’s voice boomed over the line. “Hi Kei!”</p><p>“Hello.” Kei was annoyed but not surprised.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Huh?!” He fumbled with the phone for a few seconds.</p><p>“You seem down.”</p><p>Kei sighed. He crushed his feelings until they were small enough to bottle away. “What makes you say that?”</p><p>Akiteru’s voice was disgustingly supportive. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to--”</p><p>“I don’t.” He spat. Oops. A little too much venom had seeped into his voice.</p><p>Silence. Then a small, “okay,” drifted through the phone speaker.</p><p>What gave him the nerve?! Akiteru knew that Kei didn’t want to talk about himself, so why had he even asked?</p><p>“If you ever change your mind, I’m here.”</p><p>“Doubtful.” Kei didn’t know whether he was doubting that he would change his mind or that his brother would be there. Probably both.</p><p>Akiteru hummed in acceptance. “Mom and I want to send you a birthday present and since you haven’t been answering my messages we didn’t know what--”</p><p>He’d dropped the subject. That was… nice of him.</p><p>Noted.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Monday 3pm </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamguchi: Missed you in class today is everything okay? &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>Would that mother fucker stop sending hearts with their messages?</p><p>No, Kei had <em> not </em> been to class that morning. No, he <em> didn’t </em> care.</p><p>And <em> no, </em> it <em> wasn’t </em> because he’d been avoiding Yamaguchi.</p><p>He was fine. It was fine.</p><p>He just needed to sleep a little longer to be ready for classes to start again.</p><p>That was all.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Friday 7pm </em>
</p><p>Kei still wanted to see them. So he signed onto their weekly study session just in case Yamaguchi showed up.</p><p><em>Please don’t show up.</em> <em>Wait, but I want to see you so much… but please don’t it’ll be so much easier if you don’t--</em></p><p>They did. Quietly.</p><p>Yamaguchi didn’t say anything. Just pulled out their homework and started writing silently.</p><p>Kei stared at them. He didn’t know what to do. Here they were even though he’d ignored them.</p><p>He didn’t know what to say.</p><p>He pulled out his own homework but he just kept staring at them as their fingers formed word after word.</p><p>They set the pencil down and met his eyes. Kei readied himself for conversation.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” They said softly.</p><p><em> Damn it. </em> He was about to brush it off when he realized his voice was caught in his throat. He shrugged instead.</p><p>“Did I… do something wrong?” They looked down at their notes.</p><p>Kei was frozen in place.</p><p>They fiddled with something offscreen. “I’m sorry if--”</p><p>“No, it’s fine.” He lied.</p><p>They nodded mutely. Yamaguchi picked up the pencil and got back to work.</p><p>It broke Kei’s heart to see them like this. <em> He’d </em> done this. <em> He’d </em> made them sad.</p><p>“What did you get for number four?”</p><p>“...I haven’t done it yet.” Kei admitted.</p><p>“I <em> knew </em> something was wrong.” They smiled shyly.</p><p>Kei shrugged.</p><p>“Tell me?”</p><p>His heart stopped. <em> Absolutely not. Under no circumstances. </em> He shook his head, then sharpened his pencil. The lead broke. He sharpened it again.</p><p>“Please?”</p><p>Kei fumbled and the pencil fell onto his desk. He sighed and picked it up. He straightened his glasses before doing what needed to be done. “I don’t think we need to study together anymore.” He forced out.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Kei just needed to stop seeing them. If they kept going like this, he wouldn’t be able to stay friends. He would make it worse. Get rid of them before they reject you. “The project’s done. We aren’t partners anymore.” He didn’t look up.</p><p>“Oh. I’m sorry, I just… right.”</p><p>Kei forced his eyes back up to Yamaguchi.</p><p>His heart sank through the floor.</p><p>They looked… sad. Why?</p><p>“I’m sorry.” They said again. “I thought that you…”</p><p>Kei didn’t understand what they were saying, but they hung up before he could ask them.</p><p>Probably better this way.</p><p>Yeah. Better.</p><p>Then why did Kei feel like he’d just cut off his own arm?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In my outline for this fic I literally typed out "BECAUSE THEY LIKE YOU, IDIOT" at Tsukki because I was so frustrated at him. So just so you know that if this is painful for you, it is also painful for me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A messy heart, a messy mind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Akiteru to the rescue</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I saw this Tsukkiyama edit on YouTube and now it's the official song for them in my head: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9Rl7E0xUNo</p><p>Also sorry I think this chapter is a little shorter compared to the others. I haven't been as into writing lately, so it's been a bit of a struggle to finish things. Thanks for hanging around for it! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Saturday 11pm</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei felt hollow. He tossed and turned. Images of Yamaguchi filled his mind. Images from Starshine’s videos joined them, mixing together. He thought about Yamaguchi kissing him… touching him… wrapping their hands around his waist and--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat up, slapping his hands over his face. Why couldn’t he just forget about them? He’d made sure to ruin his chances with them by ending the study sessions. See? Zero stress now. Right? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So why do I still feel like shit?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He grunted into his pillow when a particular image forced its way into his head: honey-slick fingers shoving down his throat. Dream-Kei gagged around the intrusion, trying desperately to lick them clean. He looked down. He was hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” He pulled up Starshine’s channel and stuffed in his earphones. He clicked on the newest upload: “Soft whispers for the wandering mind.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Perfect.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn’t have as much energy as usual. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t think about it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mind has been wandering a little lately…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei tried not to think about what he’d done to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there was a little too much </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yamaguchi</span>
  </em>
  <span> present in the video for Kei to relax. He couldn’t stop feeling guilty. Again. But now for an entirely different reason than before the… could he even call it a ‘breakup?’ </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, that’s stupid.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>They whispered quietly about how their grades weren’t so good and Kei was once again enchanted despite the emptiness in his stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then his brain kicked in to remind him that this was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yamaguchi.</span>
  </em>
  <span> The person he’d decided to never talk to again. His guilt overwhelmed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shut off the video and yanked out his headphones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei’s phone clattered onto the bedside table and he pulled the covers up to his chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared at the ceiling. He didn’t feel relaxed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned on his side and hugged a pillow. Unprompted, he imagined Yamaguchi cuddling up behind him, softly brushing the pads of their fingers over his exposed ear. Tingles shot down his spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei flipped onto his back again. He grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid feelings. Stupid.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Friday 9pm</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei wouldn’t admit to himself how empty he was without today’s study date to look forward to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He missed Yamaguchi, and not in the way he expected. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>expected</span>
  </em>
  <span> to miss the jerk-off material, which he absolutely did, but… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He missed helping them with homework; liked feeling useful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nudged his eraser around the desk, trying to magically get motivated to do his own homework. It was due tomorrow. He hadn’t done any of it yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to relax into the comforting embrace of Starshine’s videos. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, stop.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to make Yamaguchi laugh and feel their blinding smile focused on him like a spotlight. Like he was onstage but the only audience member was Yamaguchi. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re stupid, Kei.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He had long-since convinced himself that any type of relationship ended in heartbreak. Akiteru had lied to him, what would stop anyone else? And friendships? Nah. No one could deal with his personality. He didn’t blame them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Better to just not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei jumped when his phone ringtone yanked him out of his own head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He picked it up. A disappointed sigh when he caught a glimpse of the caller ID, but answered anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You almost gave me a heart-attack.” He informed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kei!” Akiteru greeted happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So loud.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “What do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had some free time so I thought I’d see if you were still awake!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you win. I’m still awake.” Kei rubbed at his temple. Did he want to talk right now? Talking was an annoyance. But Kei didn’t want to be alone, either. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akiteru’s smile was audible even though he didn’t say anything. Just happy breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei wanted to hang up. But he also had the desire to be seen in his misery. A strange thought, he noted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how are classes going?” He kept breathing happily through the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei didn’t know why he said it. Maybe some small piece of him still admired his brother and wanted him to know. “Actually, they aren’t so good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s a first.” He said cheerfully. “You’ve always been so good at school. I’m sorry, Kei.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He flicked a bit of lint to the floor. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tell him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s making them not so good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He set his jaw before he could change his mind. “I’m gay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akiteru paused. “Well, that shouldn’t have much to do with your schoolwork but okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei didn’t answer. He waited. What was supposed to be happening?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akiteru didn’t speak for a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Unusual.</span>
  </em>
  <span> That’s fine. If Akiteru and his mother disowned him, he would find another way to pay for college. It’s not like he would </span>
  <em>
    <span>miss</span>
  </em>
  <span> the phone calls--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for telling me.” Akiteru said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome?” Kei didn’t quite know what was expected of him at a time like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you like boys?” Akiteru was uncharacteristically wobbly. It made Kei uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He decided to be honest anyway. Why not. “Um? I don’t think it’s limited to </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> boys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that’s what gay means?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The guy was really struggling. Kei threw him a lifeline. “I’m using it as an umbrella term.” He explained. “I don’t know exactly how it works yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m just trying to figure out whether I should be giving you dating advice for girls or guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei paused. He sniffed. Tears wet his lashes. Akiteru was okay with it? He was supportive? Of course he would be. Kei mentally slapped himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kei?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m here.” He wiped his nose. Maybe he could gain something useful from all of this. “Could you give me advice on the crush I have right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akiteru whooped excitedly on the other end of the line. “Who is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know them.” He said quickly, suddenly second-guessing everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously. Tell me about them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei fiddled with his sleeve. Images of Yamaguchi flew through his mind. He couldn’t think of any way to describe them beyond </span>
  <em>
    <span>wonderful</span>
  </em>
  <span> or </span>
  <em>
    <span>amazing</span>
  </em>
  <span> or </span>
  <em>
    <span>radiant.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “We were partners for a group project.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Uhhh.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Where to start. “And… they text me hearts a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boy or girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei took a deep breath. “Neither, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re non-binary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What followed was a long night full of Kei talking a lot more than he was used to. He actually didn’t mind it. But maybe he was just happy that his brother hadn’t hung up immediately after The Revelation. No, shut up. Kei wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he was just relieved he wouldn’t have to pay for college alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you jerk it to them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei almost dropped the phone. “What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“That can sometimes change how you feel. It can make the feelings more intense or even make the feelings go away if you find out you aren’t actually into them that way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, that made sense. Shit, that made sense. Did he have to tell his brother about the ASMR? No. Hell no. “Yes, I have… done that.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>A lot.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I take it you still like them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei groaned and crumpled onto his desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gotcha.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What should I do?” He complained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When are you going to see them next?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shame flooded him. “We used to have this weekly study date.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But</span>
  </em>
  <span> then I broke it off.” He said sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was too…” He paused. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Horny</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the correct word to end the sentence, but he didn’t want to say that. “I like them a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I stopped texting them and everything! But I still can’t stop thinking about them.” He pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Start small. You should text them again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just said that didn’t solve the problem. You probably have unfinished business with them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a ghost.” He deadpanned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re certainly pale enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks?” Kei huffed in warning. He didn’t like thinking about his looks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akiteru relented. “Okay, okay. But I think that if you keep ignoring them it’ll get worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei sighed laboriously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. It’s really a predicament.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His brother sounded like he was on the verge of laughing at him. Kei deserved it. He knew he’d been stupid with Yamaguchi, he just didn’t know in what way. He raised his forehead slightly in order to knock it against his desk in frustration. Maybe that would clear his head. No such luck. He did it again. “I hate this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You would.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you implying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing! I’m proud of you.” He dodged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tsked, but let it go. “Why are you proud of me this time?” He grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re gonna talk to them again even though it’s hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who says I will?” He muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still cannot get over that you asked me for advice. But you did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was true. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“So that’s my advice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Suddenly Kei wanted to end the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me know how it goes with them! I’ve got to get back to work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” But at the same time once he was alone, he would have no excuse. He would have to text Yamaguchi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And take care of yourself! You gotta eat more!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Kei didn’t want him to hang up. But he didn’t want this conversation to keep going.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the line went dead, Kei sighed. He had to do it. He had to. This was so stupid.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kei Tsukishima: Hey.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, after several minutes of careful consideration,</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kei Tsukishima: I’m sorry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sunday 10am</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tadashi Yamaguchi: Do you want to hang out today?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t allow doubt to paralyze him this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kei Tsukishima: Yes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi immediately sent him a virtual meeting link and he scrambled to get dressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now? </span>
  </em>
  <span>His heart thudded against his ribcage. He wanted to. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course</span>
  </em>
  <span> he wanted to. He missed them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sprayed on some cologne, too. Not like anyone would be smelling him, but still. He tripped over his long legs on the way to sit down. He clicked the link and waited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi’s face appeared. Kei caught his breath. They were absolutely radiant. A glittering vision in a cotton-candy pink sweater with some overall straps on their shoulders. They shifted and a strap fell down. Kei tried to calm himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They smiled. But it wasn't happy. Kei’s fingernails bit into his palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi!” They chirped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>No lipgloss today? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He noticed mournfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hurriedly moved on, clearing their throat. “So, I have a question about the homework for next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Breathe, Kei.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “I haven’t done it yet.” He admitted. So that’s it? Neither of them were going to talk about him trying to break-up with them? Okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Figured.” They tucked a stray hair behind their ear. “Do you want to do it together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei nodded numbly. His eyes traced their jawline. He didn’t try to stop himself. He was too tired to feel guilty right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tuesday 3pm</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Today was especially bad. As in horny. Kei was horny.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tadashi Yamaguchi: Can we do study sessions again? I’m really struggling without you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart jumped.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kei Tsukishima: Yes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He ripped off his jeans. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Goddamn it, I’m so stupid.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>All from that one text. “I’m really struggling without you.” God, he felt so useful to Yamaguchi. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Really? That’s what gets you going? Being useful?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He whimpered when he rubbed himself through his briefs.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So needy, Kei.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He scolded.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I’m starving.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He argued back, pulling his hand away to click through Starshine’s videos on his phone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve been starving myself. Please. I wanna make this good.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled on his highest-quality headphones. Obviously, he had many sets, each for a different use. Usually, he used his average, everyday pair. These ones were reserved only for special occasions, like when a new album from his favorite band dropped or when he rented a specifically surround-sound movie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to shut-out the world right now. Kind of like he and Yamaguchi were having a date night all to themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei mentally kicked himself and tried to grasp at some semblance of serenity. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, they aren’t dating me. They won’t even know I’m watching!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, he got to see them again and they were texting him hearts again and that was enough for Kei’s horny brain. He was all wound up and it wasn’t even 4pm.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s fine, you don’t have any more classes today. Take as much time as you need… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He skimmed over all the new videos he’d missed in his desolate days. One popped out to him and he knew he would have another round of wet dreams in response to it:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Face Massage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi touching his face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He clicked on the video and Starshine sauntered into frame. Already Kei could hear the difference in headphone quality just from the sound of their clothes rustling. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh God.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Was he going to die from stimulation?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s me.” Their voice sounded crisp and clean and </span>
  <em>
    <span>right there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Of course it’s you that’s why I’m here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just… wanted to touch your face today.” Their fingers fluttered teasingly close to his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei whined. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Then do it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope that’s okay.” They lilted, drawing their hands close again before pulling away again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please touch me.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Why the hell was he getting so worked up? They weren’t even here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have such a pretty face.” They soothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei flinched at the praise, trying to hide from it. But at the same time he didn’t want them to stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starshine’s fingers descended out of frame and Kei pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then a deep scratching noise told him they were touching the microphone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty ears, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei snapped his mouth shut and twitched. It really sounded like they were playing with his ears. Oh no, these headphones made everything so… so </span>
  <em>
    <span>intimate. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He was never going to be able to listen to these videos with any other headphones now. His hand slid past his waistband.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kind of want to bite those ears.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei gasped and stroked himself, reflexively turning his head to give them access to his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that’s for another video.” They gave one last rub before their hands resurfaced in-frame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei grumbled. He wanted to take his time, but God he had no self-control today. His hand picked up speed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For now I just want to touch you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was huffing out breaths when Yamaguchi finally touched the lens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sound blossomed over his ears and paired with the visuals, he could easily trick his mind into believing his cheeks were actually being caressed carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like it? I like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded to no one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your skin is so soft.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He imagined them saying his name after every sentence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so pretty,” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kei.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love touching you,” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kei.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to bite you next time,” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kei.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He came quickly and loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If his dorm-mates didn’t hate him already, they certainly would now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Friday 6pm</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi’s pencil scribbled a couple of notes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei tried not to think about how many times he’d cum this week thinking about them. Again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They seemed quieter than normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” He grunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi just nodded, shifting uncomfortably. “How come you didn’t want to study with me anymore?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was… having a rough time.” This was true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They just nodded, not making eye-contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei turned back to his notes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many of my videos have you seen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei swallowed uneasily. “I thought I already told you. A few.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm. I just ask because I’m thinking of doing some lewd ASMR. You know, 18+ stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei slammed his knee into his desk. He crumpled over in pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“OhmyGod! Are you okay?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei nodded and straightened himself back up, grimacing as pain flared in his leg.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to know if you think it would mesh well with my other content.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei absolutely did think it would mesh. I mean, their stuff was already pretty… suggestive at times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tsukki?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Do what you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you’re right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They scribbled more notes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But do you think it would be good?” They asked shyly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t be too different from your Honey videos, right? Those are kind of… um. And those are good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi smiled sweetly. “Oh, I think it might be a bit different.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kei prayed for his own soul to be released to heaven before he jerked it out through his dick later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They bit their lip and locked eyes with Kei.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sucked in a breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you… uh, watch it and let me know what you think?” Their cheeks grew pink under their freckles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was another instance of Kei saying yes to Yamaguchi without thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi had to help him through the homework that night. Kei’s heart wasn’t in it.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Still messy, and getting worse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Here's what you've all been waiting for: some lewd (ish) ASMR.</p><p>It's me. I've been waiting for this.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Strawberry Mentos came out!! (a song about Yams) and I would highly recommend listening to it!!</p><p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBm-ovmXOcU&amp;ab_channel=LeannaFirestone-Topic</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Friday 6pm </em>
</p><p>Kei patiently waited an entire week before Yamaguchi had time to talk again. Which, granted, wasn’t unusual for them (having weekly study sessions and whatnot), but with their vague promise of a lewd ASMR video hanging over his days, Kei found that the week went by slowly. No new uploads.</p><p>But tonight Kei was ready--so ready--to see them again.</p><p>Yamaguchi appeared on his screen in a soft, green jumper. “Hey… it’s me.”</p><p>Kei caught his breath, slipping into the headspace of their videos too quickly. A pavlovian response. <em> Jeez, it’s like they have me trained. </em></p><p>They smiled bashfully at him through the screen.</p><p>He dragged himself back into reality. <em> They can SEE you, dumbass! </em> “Um, yeah, I know.” He spluttered, trying to regain himself. <em> Why am I such a disaster? </em></p><p>“Yeah, you’re right.” They agreed. Their cheeks pinked. “Would you mind if I… uh.”</p><p>Kei held his tongue, waiting for them to finish.</p><p>“I--Is it okay if I put on some lip gloss?” They started quietly. “If it’s too weird--I just… I like wearing it.”</p><p>Kei’s heart squeezed. The desire to punch anyone who wouldn’t be okay with Yamaguchi wearing whatever they wanted burned bright within him. “Do what you want.”</p><p>Yamaguchi looked down, smiling softly. “And…”</p><p>Kei waited with bated breath.</p><p>“Do you want to wear headphones while I put it on?”</p><p>“Hm?” Kei’s voice cracked awkwardly.</p><p>Yamaguchi blushed harder. “Do you not usually listen to ASMR with headphones on?”</p><p>Kei swallowed. They wanted to do ASMR for him? Now? With their lip gloss? A shiver raced up his spine at the thought. But then he remembered that Yamaguchi was here this time. They would be able to see his body react. His face grew hot. He had no idea what he looked like when he watched their videos. He had honestly never given it much thought before this moment.</p><p>They immediately backtracked. “I’m sorry! I just thought that, well! You haven’t been doing your homework on time and you seem stressed and ASMR helps get rid of stress, so!”</p><p>Kei cleared his throat. “Have you ever done live ASMR before?”</p><p>Timid hands dipped into a makeup bag. “Um, no?”</p><p>Kei averted his eyes and snapped on some headphones. There was an immediate difference when he plugged in the chord. Everything sounded… “Yamaguchi, are you using your fancy mic right now?”</p><p>They tapped nervously against the tube of lip gloss. “Yeah?”</p><p><em> Ooh, </em> Kei liked the tapping a lot more than he thought he would. “...Cool.”</p><p>They beamed at him. His heart wiggled pathetically.</p><p>Kei laced his fingers together and leaned his chin on them. <em> Go ahead. </em></p><p>“Volume good?” They stammered and unscrewed the bottle, talking more softly.</p><p>Kei cranked up his computer sound in response. “...Yeah. Just don’t blow out my eardrums.”</p><p>Their fingers stumbled.</p><p>He heard every movement. <em> Mm. </em></p><p>“O--okay.” The lilt in his ears made Kei’s heart flutter.</p><p>He repositioned his chin on his hands.</p><p>They moved closer to the mic and played with the cap.</p><p>A pleasant tingling rooted itself in the back of Kei’s brain and his eyes drifted habitually to Yamaguchi’s lips, just like he had since he found their first video.</p><p>They moved the bottle around slowly, flicking their wrist in an expertly precise way. Kei’s eyelids sagged into a relaxed state, forgetting that he wasn’t just watching Starshine again.</p><p>
  <em> Mesmerizing. </em>
</p><p>They played with the cap gently.</p><p>
  <em> Soft. </em>
</p><p>They drew the wand out, wet with gloss.</p><p>
  <em> Shiny. </em>
</p><p>“Do you like the shade?” They whispered.</p><p>Then he watched their lips form something he’d never heard in a video before.</p><p>“Tsukki...?”</p><p>“Hm?” He murmured sleepily.</p><p>A soft giggle flowed over him. “I’m guessing that it’s working?”</p><p>Kei’s throat tightened. He didn’t say anything. <em> Stupid, stupid! Don’t let your guard down. </em></p><p>“It’s okay.” Yamaguchi wetted the wand again. “You don’t have to talk.”</p><p>Maybe Kei had been getting too comfortable watching Starshine videos because when they drew the wand in and out, Kei’s shoulders instinctively loosened. <em> Huh. </em> He didn’t know he tensed them.</p><p>The wand popped out of the tube, glistening in the light while Yamaguchi twirled it in their fingers.</p><p>Again, Kei’s straight-A brain could only supply one word as it sparkled: <em> shiny. </em></p><p><em> “I </em> like this shade.” They continued before smudging it on their bottom lip carefully.</p><p>He was entranced.</p><p>“It’s kinda gold to compliment the sweater?”</p><p>Kei sunk into the feeling that his brain was dough and Yamaguchi was a pair of hands tenderly working him over.</p><p>“I like that it’s got some shimmer, too.” They talked absent-mindedly while coating their lips.</p><p>He admired their ability to multitask. To be able to talk, put on lip gloss, and wreck Kei all at once was very impressive.</p><p>When they were satisfied, Yamaguchi looked directly into the camera. Normally, they wouldn’t show their eyes on YouTube. Now, they were actually looking at him.</p><p>Kei froze.</p><p>The two of them stared at each other for a minute or two.</p><p>“So, homework?” Yamaguchi asked awkwardly, tucking that stray hair behind their ear.</p><p>Kei just nodded quietly, tearing his eyes away from the movement to grab his schoolwork.</p><p>Yamaguchi fiddled with their notebook and Kei hoisted his large binder onto the desk.</p><p>The worksheets went quickly; this week’s assignments were simple.</p><p>After they were done, Yamaguchi didn’t hang up. Neither did Kei. They ended up talking together for way too long afterwards. Kei basked in their presence. They still didn’t hang up.</p><p>No, it wasn’t that the two of them talked together. More like <em> Yamaguchi </em> talked. Kei just kind of… let them keep going. They spoke about nothing, really. Just forming words. Kei noticed how they avoided sensitive subjects, like the real reason why Kei had tried (and failed) to push them away. Or exactly how much ASMR Kei watched on a regular basis (only every time Yamaguchi uploaded nowadays). Or any real details about their own life besides that they had a hellishly long paper due and that’s why they hadn’t gotten around to making any new videos this week. Kei suspected that they were also nervous about posting the video, which was why they were stalling. He wanted to tell them that they didn’t have to post it if they didn’t want to.</p><p>But instead of talking for real, Yamaguchi talked about the weather… </p><p><em> It was getting colder, which meant they were breaking out their full sweater collection. </em> Kei was <em> so </em> looking forward to seeing even more of those adorable things.</p><p>And their favorite plushie… </p><p><em> A little dinosaur they’d had since they were six. </em> Kei absolutely wasn’t keeping track of silly little things like that, of course.</p><p>And favorite drink… </p><p><em> Cherry coke. </em>Kei decided he could forgive them. No one was perfect.</p><p>Favorite animal… </p><p><em> Bunnies, </em> Kei noticed with interest.</p><p>And a lot of other favorites… </p><p>Which Kei definitely didn’t make notes of for later.</p><p>Yamaguchi accepted his relative silence as normal now. It was a relief because he was too busy staring at them and making note of all their favorite things to think about how to respond. It was like his brain had switched off. Just filled with Yamaguchi. Thankfully, that buzzing white noise inside his skull was quiet, too.</p><p>But even as he kept nervously glancing at the clock while the night ticked later and later, Kei still didn’t leave the call. Not even when it clicked past 9pm. It was unsettling how much of his time he would willingly give to them, if given the chance. Not to mention all the moments in which Yamaguchi lived rent-free in his head when they weren’t on video chat or texting.</p><p>And not just when he needed to jerk off. Kei’s mind drifted. To his surprise, he had started fantasizing about them in different contexts.</p><p>He watched their lips move hypnotically through the screen and sunk deeper into his own head.</p><p>Kei wondered if he should have bought those cute bunny converse he’d seen online. Earlier that week, an ad for a pair of shoes with little bunny designs had popped up. He immediately thought of Yamaguchi. What would they do if Kei bought them as a surprise gift just because he wanted to? Just because they would look so good on Yamaguchi and fit into their wardrobe. Hell, even the color palette would match their sweaters.</p><p>But he hadn’t. However, now that he knew that rabbits were one of their favorite animals, he might actually go back and--</p><p>“Hey, Tsukki?”</p><p>Kei’s heart thudded and he snapped back into the present. “Hm?”</p><p>Yamaguchi seemed to rethink the choice to call attention to themself. “Oh, uh. Sorry.”</p><p>He hummed in assurance. <em> No, s’fine. </em></p><p>They went quiet for the first time in a while.</p><p>Kei wondered why. He missed their voice. “...So you like bunnies?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>Kei mentally kicked himself, but he forced the rest out. “I noticed your sweaters sometimes have animals on them.”</p><p>“Oh. Um, yeah.” Yamaguchi giggled tensely. “I tend to like cute things.”</p><p>Kei decided to change his approach. This clearly wasn’t working. “When is your birthday?”</p><p>Yamaguchi stared at him.</p><p>He watched the stray locks on the sides of their head bob when it cocked to the side.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Kei rolled his eyes.</p><p>Their mouth opened slightly in a silent <em> oh </em>and they started fiddling. “You don’t have to get me anything!”</p><p>He squinted at them for a moment, trying to decipher whether they actually didn’t want anything or if they were trying to be nice. “Okay.”</p><p>“November 10th.” They admitted quietly.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Tuesday 3pm </em>
</p><p>Okay, Kei had a solid few weeks to think about what to get Yamaguchi for their birthday. Those bunny shoes were definitely on the list.</p><p>He was taking a walk around the disturbingly deserted neighborhood just outside of campus. Kei was starting to feel lethargic and it was getting to him.</p><p>He didn’t have any Starshine videos to faun over, so what else was he going to do?</p><p>His phone intoned quietly from his pocket.</p><p>Kei pulled it out and half-heartedly checked the screen.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Can you watch my new video when you get the chance? No pressure tho if you don’t feel like it! &lt;3 :D </em>
</p><p>Kei jogged faster, huffing through his facemask. Okay, maybe he did have something to faun over.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Tuesday 3:15pm </em>
</p><p>Kei slid into his dorm room, locking the door behind him. Of course, it always locked automatically, but this time Kei pulled it fully closed to be sure. And then checked it twice.</p><p>Was he about to watch Yamaguchi’s first lewd ASMR video? Yep. And he was excited.</p><p>Kei itched to know what it was going to be like. He slapped on a pair of headphones and settled into his desk chair.</p><p>YouTube opened and he found Starshine’s channel, thumbing to their most recent upload with super-human speed.</p><p>
  <em> Datemate Comforts You. </em>
</p><p>Okay, so that’s the direction they chose to go in: safe. Easing into it. Kei could get behind that. In fact, he thought he might actually like it. Well, Kei was pretty sure that he’d like anything they uploaded. He was also glad they hadn’t done anything too crazy if they were feeling nervous about it.</p><p>He clicked on the video.</p><p>A slow fade up on a blanket fort and the silver flash of their microphone.</p><p>Tsukishima doubted he would be able to fit under a blanket fort. His long legs always ended up sticking out of things like that.</p><p>Yamaguchi tumbled adorably into frame and snuggled up to the camera.</p><p>Tsukishima felt warmer, like their body heat was cozying him into the fort. He noticed that he was smiling. He didn’t try to stop himself. What would be the point? No one could see him.</p><p>“Hey, it’s me.”</p><p><em> I know, dumbass. </em> He thought fondly. But the familiar and comforting prickle on the back of his neck flared up just the same.</p><p>“I missed you today, darling.” They pouted, dragging a finger deliberately over the mic.</p><p>Kei’s face heated up and he tried to push his ear into their hand but was met with empty air. <em> I missed you, too. </em></p><p>“Sorry! Is it okay if I call you that? We’ve been hanging out for a while now.” They arranged a blanket before nuzzling their face into it.</p><p>Kei’s heart almost gave out. <em> I have a lot of blankets in my room. We could do that here, if you wanted to. </em></p><p>“Really? I can call you ‘darling?’”</p><p>His fingers twined and untwined. <em> Of course you can call me that, I want to be dating you. </em></p><p>“Thanks!” Their voice shone before darkening into something closer to flirtatious. “I just thought… that since you’ve been stressed lately…”</p><p>
  <em> ‘Stressed lately?’ They know I’m watching… they asked me to watch this! No, I’m reading into it. </em>
</p><p>“I could give these some attention.”</p><p>A scrape over his ear. Kei’s breath hitched.</p><p>“What do you say?”</p><p>He shivered.</p><p>“Yeah? Thanks!”</p><p>It was too easy to imagine Yamaguchi’s voice forming that cute little nickname to end the sentence. <em> Tsukki. </em></p><p>He watched through already-sleepy eyes as they leaned closer and closer until just their neck and shoulders were still in frame. He tried not to ogle. A soft tongue click directly into his ear.</p><p>Kei jumped. <em> They’re so close. </em> His breath quickened and his body responded almost on its own, tilting to open himself for Starshine.</p><p>“Is it okay if I kiss you here?”</p><p>His hand played at the fly of his jeans.</p><p>Starshine seemed so genuinely happy that their partner had agreed to let them kiss. “Thanks!” <em> Tsukki. </em></p><p>Kei’s head fell easily to the side, granting them access. He undid his pants.</p><p>Starshine dove in.</p><p>His eyes snapped wide and his fingers stuttered as sound poured into his ear.</p><p>A few pecks pressed into him. Occasionally, they would make little “mwah!” sounds when they kissed and Kei’s heart melted. More tiny kisses were planted on him and Kei felt a little too comforted, given that no one was actually here. Then they pulled back and beamed at Kei.</p><p>He was about to pass out from the brightness.</p><p>“You’re just so attractive. I want to kiss you all the time.” They flushed. “I-is it okay if I use my tongue?”</p><p>Kei frantically slipped his hand past the waistband, but Starshine was already leaning offscreen again. Kei tried to prepare himself for whatever they had planned.</p><p>A long, slow stroke up the entirety of his ear had him trembling. Then a quiet nibble as they latched onto him. Kei’s body jerked a little, conjuring up what it would feel like if Yamaguchi was physically there painting over his ear with their tongue. He hummed appreciatively as the soft clicks of their tongue lulled him into relaxation again. He lazily started pumping himself.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” They panted. “I’m getting lip gloss all over you.”</p><p>Kei bit his lip. <em> That’s okay, I want it. I want you everywhere. </em></p><p>They reappeared, wiping their mouth. Their lip gloss was smudged.</p><p>Kei lolled back against the chair and thrust into his hand.</p><p>“Other side, darling.” They whispered softly.</p><p>Kei was impressed at how he immediately adjusted, opening his other ear to them without hesitation. He supposed that they had earned his trust by now.</p><p>It started with a few pecks and kisses, just like before. But soon, they were pressing their tongue against him and twirling it around between tiny nibbles.</p><p>His body tensed and the fingers of his free hand bit into the chair while he picked up speed with the other.</p><p>They made a quiet little whimper against his ear. “You’re so hot. I can’t stand it.”</p><p>His hips spasmed. <em> They know I’m watching. </em> It felt like they somehow could see him through the screen. Just like at their study session. When they’d put lip gloss on <em> for him. </em></p><p>“Please, can I touch your neck?”</p><p>Kei shook in his seat. <em> Yes, you may. </em></p><p>“Thank you,” <em> Tsukki. </em></p><p>“You’re welcome.” He granted shakily, working himself harder, pleasure building unbearably slowly.</p><p>They whimpered gratefully into the space below his ear.</p><p>Kei jolted at the sound. <em> Could I make them sound like that? </em></p><p>Then some noises that were suspiciously similar to the slurping of the honey video washed over him. But this time, they were <em> right there </em> and Kei knew that if they were here with him, his neck would be absolutely destroyed by their mouth.</p><p>He bucked into his fist. Kei’s brian fuzzed when they moved down to his chest.</p><p>“Mm… darling…!”</p><p>If Kei didn’t know better, he would have thought they were touching themself.</p><p>“You taste so good.”</p><p>Kei was a glazed, twitching mess by the time Starshine was done with him. But he hadn’t cum. He made sure of it. He didn’t want to ruin the rest of the video for himself, so he held off. If they had been doing all of this to him in real life, both of his ears, all of his neck, and most of his chest would have been covered in spit and bite-marks. Kei imagined that was true. He <em> wanted </em> it to be true. He shivered, so, so close.</p><p>Starshine ducked to lick his ear again. “I… I hope you liked it.” They sounded self-conscious.</p><p><em> Who cares if I liked it? Did </em> you <em> like it? </em>His brows wrinkled.</p><p>“I have one more thing before I end this video.”</p><p>Kei pried his eyes open. They were blushing. <em> Oh. </em> Kei immediately wanted to see if he could make them blush like that during their next study date. Session. Their next study <em> session. </em></p><p>“Can I…?” Starshine drew their bottom lip between their teeth. “Can I…?”</p><p>
  <em> Yes. I don’t care what you do, I'm so close, please. </em>
</p><p>“Can I kiss you?”</p><p>Kei jerked as they leaned closer to the camera and Kei wet his lips in preparation.</p><p>Starshine pretended to lick into his mouth. The noises they made were soft and grateful and loving. But then they let slip a needy “hmn” and Kei was cumming.</p><p>He couldn’t hear himself over Starshine’s noises.</p><p>“Please--<em> hnn! </em>--daaarling…!”</p><p>They were begging for him. A new, protective wave of fondness washed over Kei as they whimpered into his mouth. They sounded small, vulnerable, and absolutely exquisite. He was suddenly angry at the screen for preventing him from wrapping them up in his arms. They sounded like they needed some comfort. Needed him. <em> I’m here, Yamaguchi. I’m watching. </em></p><p>That was all he could do. Just watch.</p><p>It wasn’t enough.</p><p>Kei shut off his phone when the video ended. He lay boneless in his desk chair. He wished he was in bed. He wished <em>Starshine</em> was in his bed with him.</p><p><em> It’s only 4:30 now. </em> He decided he needed to make a plan for dinner. He wished he could invite Yamaguchi over and have a real pillow fort with them.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wednesday 10am </em>
</p><p>Kei’s finger hovered over the “join” button for his class. The one he shared with Yamaguchi. He thought about ditching, shame burning deep in his stomach.</p><p><em> Fuck. </em> He clicked in. He had to or else he’d be late. And he <em> would not </em>be late again because of his dumb feelings. He could deal. It was fine.</p><p>Faces blipped up onscreen. He sighed when Yamaguchi popped up along with the rest.</p><p>They were wearing a new sweater: yellow with pink flowers. <em> Radiant. </em></p><p>He absently pinned their video even though he knew it was a bad idea.</p><p>He still hadn’t let them know he had watched their new video. Not a text or anything. Kei didn’t really know what to say. He <em> couldn’t </em> tell them he’d jerked off to it, that was obvious. But… those noises. He kind of wanted to know if they had been touching themself while filming. What if they had? He didn’t know what he would do with the information.</p><p>They shuffled in their seat and itched their nose adorably. Kei thought they looked somewhat like a bunny. That wave of fondness washed over him again.</p><p>
  <em> I’m pathetic. </em>
</p><p>Their eyes slid down to their lap.</p><p>Kei scooted closer to the screen.</p><p>Then, a text.</p><p>Kei looked over at his phone.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Are you looking at me? </em>
</p><p>Against his better judgement, Kei decided to be honest.</p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: I have your video pinned. </em>
</p><p>Sent.</p><p>Their eyes wandered down again. Kei was about to have a heart-attack. Yamaguchi startled a little, then fought an internal battle to stay still. It was so obvious.</p><p>Kei was actually really enjoying the show. They looked so cute.</p><p>A text.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: I’ll pin yours, too. </em>
</p><p>Then they looked up at the camera and Kei’s heart <em> did </em> stop.</p><p>Their eyes were dark, flirty. And Kei couldn’t handle it. He hurriedly typed out a response.</p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: Pay attention to the prof. Your grades can’t afford you falling behind. </em>
</p><p>It was a lie. Kei knew this. Yamaguchi was doing really well right now. Sometimes they were even helping him with concepts. But… </p><p>Kei couldn’t handle it when they looked at him like <em> that. </em></p><p>Something inside him wanted to burst.</p><p>They looked down again.</p><p>Yamaguchi pouted.</p><p>Kei wanted to cuddle them. <em> Pathetic. </em></p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Sorry, Tsukki :( </em>
</p><p>Kei shifted gracelessly in his chair. He didn't know what he was doing. He didn't like caring about someone like this.</p><p>
  <em> I want you so much it hurts. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, I'm not too happy with how this one turned out, just bear with me. But, y'all, we're just getting started. In the best way &lt;3</p><p>Hope you're well.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. What do you want?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kei thinks he has it all under control.</p><p>Some more boyos enter the chat :)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Gahh! I've had a lot of this chapter written/edited for so long and I just was NOT been able to finish it for some reason. Half because of writer's block and half because school is destroying me. But I'm happy to get it out now! Enjoy &lt;3</p><p>Thank you for all of the support on this fic, I feel so loved! &lt;3 I welcome all of your interaction, it's such a joy! You're all amazing! Thanks for all of your comments &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Thursday 5pm </em>
</p><p>Kei was measuredly shoveling takeout into his mouth when a personalized text-tone sounded. Yamaguchi. Yeah, sure, he’d set a specific tone just for them. What of it? Shut up. It was just so he could be more informed more quickly. This tone was sweeter, softer than the others. Just a few notes that all harmonized softly. It reminded him of them.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Have you gotten a chance to watch my new video? </em>
</p><p>Kei sighed. He would have to face them eventually. He wasn’t about to enter the limbo of ignoring them. If that happened again Akiteru would have his head. Kei began carefully typing out a response, but another text popped up.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: If you don’t want to watch it, I completely understand! Lewd ASMR isn’t for everyone!! Sorry to pressure you! </em>
</p><p>He typed faster.</p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: Watched it yesterday. Good. </em>
</p><p>No. Akiteru would slap him if he left it at that. Fuck it, Kei would slap <em> himself </em> if he left it at that.</p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: You’re making me want a pillow fort. </em>
</p><p>An immediate response of sparkly pink emojis popped up and Kei’s heart fluttered.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Would recommend! It took forever to set up, but it was worth it!!! :) I really liked how the video turned out, too &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>Kei was relieved. <em> At least they didn’t ask me anything else about my… watching experience. </em></p><p>Yamaguchi kept texting him about their plans for Halloween. Kei wasn’t going to do anything for the holiday, but whether that was because of the pandemic or his personality was anyone’s guess.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: I’m going to dress up for a video at least! </em>
</p><p>His mind raced with possibilities. Most importantly, would it be a sexy costume or a regular one? Either way, he could not wait to see it. Kei’s finger skimmed over his calendar. Yep, Halloween was a few days away. Kei tapped his foot impatiently.</p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: Cool. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Friday 7pm </em>
</p><p>Kei enjoyed some mediocre success in getting his homework under control again. The confusing feelings surrounding Yamaguchi settled semi-manageably into the back of his brain. They didn’t leave, but he forced himself to get used to his idiotic heart and it seemed to be going well.</p><p>Except for when Yamaguchi was actively spending their time on him. Like when they were texting him. Or when they were right in front of him.</p><p>Which was now.</p><p>“What did you think of it?”</p><p>Kei jumped, then promptly misinterpreted the question to be about their homework. Kei thought he was a pretty smart guy, overall, but apparently not this time. He looked up when he was halfway through explaining the answer, but Yamaguchi was not paying attention at all, just smiling sweetly at him. He shut his mouth, admiring the way their lips curved.</p><p>“I meant my video,” they corrected patiently.</p><p>“Oh.” His stomach dropped. <em> Shit. </em> Regrettably, this was not the first time Yamaguchi had witnessed him being an idiot, so his little slip-up wasn’t new. What was one more mistake in his sea of them? What <em> was </em> an issue, however, was how he planned on dodging any questions about precisely how <em> much </em> he’d liked the video. Because he didn’t know how he was going to do that. He attempted to shrug it off. “It was alright.”</p><p>They deflated. “Oh.”</p><p><em> Oops. Too detached. Okay. Shit. </em> But his hands were tied. How could he say more than that without giving himself away? He was barely restraining that stupid part of his brain from demanding ‘ <em> were you touching yourself in the video?’ </em> He wanted to know so badly but he didn’t say anything. For obvious reasons. Of course that would be inappropriate. Of course it would. He dug a fingernail into the wood of his pencil. <em> Don’t ask them. </em></p><p>Yamaguchi forced their attention back onto their own paper and, unfortunately, away from Kei.</p><p>He felt less important somehow without their attention. <em> That’s so stupid, Kei. </em></p><p>“I wanna make another one.”</p><p>He flicked his eraser intentionally, trying to look busy and not like his breathing was already getting quicker like a lovesick fool. “...Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.” They confirmed more confidently, like they were trying to convince themself, too. “Lately I’ve been getting into ASMR videos that have, like, storylines in them? And I wanted to do something like that.”</p><p>Kei nodded even though he had no idea what they were talking about. <em> You watch ASMR, too? </em> Of course, that should have been obvious. He’d heard other ASMRtists talking about liking ASMR themselves, it just hadn’t clicked in his big dumb head that Yamaguchi would watch other people’s videos, too. They were so… incomparable to anyone else. Kei was never as affected when watching anyone else. He thought that this fact might be a sign about something to do with Kei himself. He thought he should probably ignore <em> that </em> thought right now before falling down a rabbithole.</p><p>Kei helped with a few more homework questions, but his mind loudly stayed on the topic of Yamaguchi’s new ASMR video idea. <em> Maybe they want to make another Role Play video? </em> Kei’s heart thumbed harder. <em> No, stop. You’re weird. It’s probably perfectly innocent. </em> But Kei knew better. They’d already made horny videos. What was gonna stop them from doing it again? Apparently, Kei could. They were asking his opinion so Goddamn much. He thought about that for a second. Huh, he really did have a lot of power in this situation. He kind of felt flattered that someone so talented would ask him what he thought.</p><p>Yamaguchi pulled him back to the present when they asked for another walk-through of a worksheet question.</p><p>Kei obliged a little too enthusiastically. That stupid part of his brain that wanted to feel useful to them gleamed and he felt silly for indulging it.</p><p>“Got it?”</p><p>“Yeah!” They thanked him.</p><p>“No problem.” He turned away and pulled out next week’s homework.</p><p>Kei was only a few questions in before he noticed how quiet it was. Yamaguchi was quiet. Which was normal when they both worked like this, but still.</p><p><em> It’s normal, Kei. </em> He made sure to breathe. But for some mysterious reason, he felt tension in the air.</p><p>“Hey, Tsukki?”</p><p><em> Shit, here we go. </em> He thought, for no good reason. He wanted to prepare himself but he didn’t have any idea what he was supposed to prepare for. “Hm?”</p><p>Kei got momentarily lost in the deep brown of their eyes and noted that they got uncomfortable and flicked their gaze away after a bit. Yamaguchi instead chose to tap anxiously at their knuckles. “Did you actually like the video?”</p><p><em> Oh. </em>Obviously he’d pushed his feelings too far away from their conversations. He sighed. Kei carefully put his pencil down and pushed his glasses out of the way to pinch the bridge of his nose. He needed to calm the hell down and think about this. “I said I did. Don’t you believe me?”</p><p>“N--no?” They admitted, moving on to fidget with a sleeve.</p><p>“Yamaguchi, if I didn’t like it I would tell you.” He was kind of amused at the idea of Yamaguchi thinking he didn’t like something they made. <em> It’s impossible for me to dislike any of your videos. The main reason I like them is because YOU are in them. The video just has to have YOU in it and then I’ll watch it. I don’t care what it’s about. </em></p><p>“Okay.” Yamaguchi said shakily. They still seemed unsure. They didn’t believe him.</p><p>Kei’s heart sank and he decided to screw up his courage and take it one step further. “Yamaguchi?”</p><p>They looked up hopefully, cheeks dyed a soft pink beneath the speckled constellations of their freckles.</p><p>Kei’s breath caught. <em> Shit. </em> “I liked it. A lot.”</p><p>“Oh.” They exhaled slowly. Their posture was so open, heart on their sleeve. It was kind of inspiring; Kei knew his shoulders always tensed defensively and closed people out. It was something his family was constantly trying to correct. But Yamaguchi opened themself like it was nothing. Like they trusted Kei wouldn’t break them.</p><p>In that moment, his brain noted how Yamaguchi’s chest fell on an exhale and their face flushed slightly and they zeroed-in on him with every bit of attention they had like they were hanging on his every word and Kei had the embarrassing urge to kiss them.</p><p>But Yamaguchi wasn’t even with him. <em> What are you gonna do, genius? Mush your chapped lips against the screen? Yeah, nice one, Einstein. </em></p><p>They were already moving on, like they hadn’t even noticed the potential of that moment like Kei had. Yamaguchi held up a part of their assigned reading and pointed to it. Kei let himself breathe again.</p><p>“What did you think about this statement?”</p><p>They had doodled stars and dinos on it. Kei was having heart palpitations.</p><p>He answered their question clumsily even though he’d done the reading and both went silently back to the worksheets.</p><p><em> Stupid. I’m stupid. </em> He pushed his pencil a little too aggressively into the paper and the lead broke. He sharpened it again.</p><p>Kei needed to calm the fuck down.</p><p>He grabbed his water to distract himself and was about to take a sip when Yamaguchi spoke quietly. He almost didn’t hear them.</p><p>“Do you think I should be more dominant in the next video?”</p><p>It’s a wonder Kei didn’t spit water all over his computer. No, instead he almost hacked up a lung while Yamaguchi apologized profusely.</p><p>He violently coughed into his fist. <em> Do I want them to be more dominant?? </em>Kei had definitely never thought of himself as submissive, but now he was kind of curious. Maybe it was just the magic of Yamaguchi’s existence that made him grateful for anything they wanted to give him. If it was Yamaguchi he was about ready to try anything once. It was just a video, right? If he didn’t like it, he could just turn it off and no one would be the wiser. No real-world danger.</p><p>“Sorry! Sorry!” They spluttered, seemingly ready to back out of the sensitive conversation as Kei struggled to suck in air.</p><p>“Explain.” How else was he supposed to respond? He didn’t have enough information yet. Yeah, that’s why he was so curious. He didn’t have enough information.</p><p>They flushed deeper and tripped over their words. “S--since I was more, you know, sub--um--<em> you know, </em> submissive-ish, in the last video, I wanted to try something a little different?”</p><p>“Uh huh.” Kei’s head spun with this new knowledge. He processed. They were asking his opinion on their ASMR again. And this time they were asking him about… lewd stuff. He was flattered. And absolutely turned-on.</p><p>“What do you think?”</p><p>He tried to screw his head back on. Kei decided to not think about the dominant/submissive question and leave that up to them. Besides, he didn’t want to make them do anything they didn’t want. That would make him an unbelievable creep. He thought back to earlier in the conversation and focused on that. “It’s going to have a plot, right? What kind of storyline were you thinking?”</p><p>Their face molded into a shit-eating grin. Kei had to admit it looked good on them. “I have a couple of ideas. I just have to get the props.”</p><p>Kei ran a highlighter off his paper and onto the desk by accident. He tried to rub the mark off. <em> Props?! </em>“Uh huh.”</p><p>“I already ordered some stuff and I’m really, uh, excited about it! And also nervous. But mostly excited! But I don’t think they’ll get here in time for Halloween. So, I’ll probably have to make that video later!” They wrung their hands.</p><p>“I’m sure it’ll work out.” He had no idea what was going on, but Kei somehow knew he was going to find out sooner or later, depending on when these <em> props </em> were ready.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Saturday 10am </em>
</p><p>His phone was ringing. It was annoying. It blared in Kei’s ears, forcing him awake. Too early for the weekend.</p><p>He clicked the answer button without thinking. Whoever-it-was on the phone had just bought a one-way ticket to sleepy, angry, unfiltered Kei. God help them. Probably a telemarketer. Kei had apparently forgotten to silence his phone before nodding off last night and now he was going to make someone else pay for it. He put it on speaker-phone.</p><p>“Tsukishima!! Are you awake?!”</p><p>Pure confusion replaced hot anger. “Hinata...?”</p><p>Another deeper voice echoed through the receiver. “Hey.”</p><p>“And Kageyam-- what? Why are you calling me?” He sat up, rubbing sleep from his eyes, too confused for sarcasm. For now.</p><p>“You’re not answering our texts!” Hinata called, no doubt bouncing around the room, judging by how his voice got louder and quieter as if moving towards and away from the phone.</p><p>“Wha...?” Kei plucked his phone up and flicked through the 20 missed messages that all said ‘hi’ over and over again before making the connection and standing up angrily. “These are all from <em> this morning!” </em></p><p>“Yeah, duh!” Hinata said, like it was obvious.</p><p>Kei hung up. He pulled his covers back up to his neck. <em> Nope. Absolutely not. </em></p><p>The phone rang again.</p><p>He sighed. He could silence it. He could go back to sleep. But Kei hadn’t seen the two in a while and he was sort of touched that they still wanted him around even though he hadn’t made any effort to reach out since starting school this semester.</p><p>He picked up.</p><p>“What. Do. You. Want.”</p><p>Hinata went silent.</p><p>
  <em>Great, I scared him. Now it'll be impossible to find out why he wanted to call.</em>
</p><p>Kageyama filled the void. “When are you gonna sign-on again?”</p><p>Tsukishima sighed. Of course, their stupid gaming group. “I’m busy with school right now.” <em> More like busy with Yamaguchi. </em></p><p>He pushed that thought out of his head.</p><p>“So?” Kageyama challenged. “Never stopped us before.”</p><p>That was true. He cleared the gravelly, just-woke-up tone out of his voice. “Shut up.”</p><p>“I won’t!” Hinata countered, disgustingly cheerful, before continuing. “So, can you play tonight? Happy Halloween by the way.”</p><p><em> Halloween? Oh yeah. </em> Kei remembered the promised Starshine video. “Not tonight.”</p><p>“But it’s <em> Halloween!” </em> Hinata whined. “I wanted to play a scary game together!”</p><p>“I got us an exclusive code for a new demo.” Kageyama said excitedly.</p><p>Kei was suddenly very awake. “Well why didn’t you open with that?” He pulled on a shirt. “Genre?”</p><p>“Horror.” He could hear Kageyama grinning like a maniac through the phone.</p><p><em> Damn it they know how to get me. </em>Kei slid over to YouTube quickly, checking for any updates from Starshine. None. He thought for a moment. “...Fine. But only a few hours.”</p><p>Hinata’s wild celebratory screaming made him cover his ears.</p><p>In the short time it took for the game to be set up and for them to begin the first round, Kei lost track of how many jumpscares Hinata triggered.</p><p>Another ear-splitting shriek made Kei yank off his headphones for a minute until the ringing stopped. “What the <em> fuck </em> is wrong with you?!”</p><p>“...Sorry.” Hinata grumbled. “That ghost was scary!”</p><p>“This is the demo.” Kei scoffed. Then he smirked with unbridled joy. “Just imagine how much worse it’s gonna be when the <em> real </em> game comes out!”</p><p>“Don’t say that! I’m about to throw up!”</p><p>Kei intentionally snickered loud enough to be heard over the phone.</p><p>Kageyama cut in, obviously in deep concentration trying to solve a lock-picking puzzle. “Hey guys? I think I found--”</p><p>A ghost flashed across Kei’s screen. It must have happened to everyone because all three of them shrieked in unison.</p><p><em> “SEE?” </em> Hinata wailed.</p><p>Kei was surprised that the tiny menace was still alive. Honestly, that child’s heart should have given out by now. Kei’s own heart was thumping out of his chest. He tried to get his breathing under control before straightening his glasses. “...I’ve seen worse.”</p><p>“Bullshit! I heard you scream!” Kageyama argued. “Like a little bitch!”</p><p>“No you didn’t. Because I didn’t. Aren’t you supposed to be picking that lock and getting us out of this fucking haunted room?”</p><p>“Almost done.” He didn’t sound very confident.</p><p>Another wail and Kei cursed loudly.</p><p>
  <em> “Hinata!” </em>
</p><p>“Sorry! I thought there was a ghost!” He squeaked.</p><p>“Dumbass, that’s a chair!”</p><p>“Well I know that <em> now!” </em></p><p>“King, if you don’t get us out of here, I’ll throw that chair <em> at </em> you!”</p><p>“Hey, don’t call me ki--”</p><p>Hinata must have seen another ghost-look-alike because Kei’s ears almost fell off when a new ear-splitting shriek echoed throughout his entire body. “Okay, that’s it, I cannot play puzzle games with either of you anymore!”</p><p>“What? But Tsukishima!” Hinata’s recovering voice still shook in fear.</p><p>“Get smarter and maybe I’ll change my mind.” He abruptly quit the game amid loud groans of frustration. Bastardized nick-name insults involving ‘Tsukishima’ or ‘Kei’ crackled over the line.</p><p>“Okay, well, if we’re not going to play, then…” Hinata hesitated and there was an uncomfortable silence. Kei readied himself for something loud, not having a good idea of what to expect. Instead came a quiet, “Can we just talk?”</p><p>“What.” They never ‘talked.’ Kei wasn’t into ‘talking.’ What was it with everyone in his life wanting to ‘talk’ all of a sudden?</p><p>“We haven’t hung out in a while!” Hinata insisted. “I want to know what you’ve been up to.”</p><p>Kei prickled. For some reason, Hinata and Kageyama missing him made Kei angry. “Nothing. School. Goodbye.”</p><p>“But Tsukshi--”</p><p>He hung up.</p><p>
  <em> We don’t ‘talk.’ I don’t know who you think I am. Idiot. </em>
</p><p>Halloween afternoon was uneventful. Normally, Kei had no issues finding something to do alone. He liked being alone. But with Yamaguchi’s promised video on the horizon, the day dragged on and it found Kei on the edge of his seat.</p><p>Kei tried several things to distract himself, but after a while he kind of wished he hadn’t hung up on the two idiots. Out of sheer boredom, of course.</p><p>Homework was a no. He couldn’t focus. He kept thinking about doing worksheet problems with Yamaguchi and annoyingly getting turned on. So instead, he masked-up and walked to the corner store for an entire bag of mixed-brand, candies. On the walk there, he religiously checked his phone, even though he doubted whether he would watch the video in public if it popped up. Okay, he definitely would. He was a little too worked-up to stop now.</p><p>He picked out a bag with a fair amount of strawberry-flavored ones and checked-out. The cashier was trying to say something about a deal when his phone went off. Kei checked it immediately.</p><p>A text from Hinata asking if he was okay.</p><p>
  <em> Fuck off. </em>
</p><p>He paid and left the store, balancing the bag while typing out a response on his way back to the dorms.</p><p>When arrived back home and shut the door, he somehow allowed himself to be dragged into another round of spooky games with the two idiot-gremlins.</p><p>Kei didn’t want to admit how much fun it was. They eventually found their strategic groove with this new demo while he picked through the bag to find another strawberry sweet. He made sure to space out his snacking experience. He didn’t like eating too much at once. It made his stomach sick, even though he did have an unbelievable sweet tooth.</p><p>“What’s that crunching in your mic, Tsukishima?”</p><p>“Bought some candy.”</p><p>“Still a strawberry freak?” Kageyama snickered.</p><p>“Still stupid?” Tsukishima solved the lock-picking puzzle with ease.</p><p>“Hey!” The two yelled in offended unison.</p><p>“Why are you always surprised?” He chuckled, silently hoping he would forever be able to get such sweet reactions every time he called either of them stupid. He had a sweet tooth for that, too.</p><p>“Meanie!” Hinata protested before screaming at a ghost again.</p><p>If this little gnome was about to be the reason why Kei lost his hearing and was never able to enjoy Yamaguchi’s ASMR videos again, Kei would hunt him down. Hinata wouldn’t live through the night.</p><p>Still, he was having fun. He had friends again. It felt unexpectedly good that they cared enough to call him back. They gave him another shot. <em> They probably just really want my puzzle-solving skills on their team. That’s all. </em> Even though they couldn’t drag him out to bars anymore, they could still do this. Tsukishima snickered at the memory of Hinata being an absolute goof on the dance floor and always leaving Kageyama and Tsukishima begrudgingly sipping their beers, trying not to make eye-contact. Maybe it was nostalgia, but those nights had been fun.</p><p>Halloween passed by and Kei didn’t dress up once, despite Hinata calling him lame. Of course he didn’t dress up. He didn’t plan on seeing anyone. He was locked in a dorm room, so no tiny goblins were going to come knocking to ask for candy, thank goodness. However, a few drunk college students did. Around 5pm, the room next to him had a party. <em> Moronic. </em></p><p>At 8pm, the thumping music only grew louder and that did <em> not </em> help his overloaded brain. Hinata and now Kageyama were both yelling through their headsets and it was starting to make Kei’s head hurt.</p><p>When something big and heavy slammed against his door, Kei pulled his headphones around his neck and looked towards the sound.</p><p>It slammed again.</p><p>He paused the game. Kageyama and Hinata were asking what was going on. It sounded far away.</p><p>Maybe it was all the ghosts in the game, but Kei’s heart picked up speed.</p><p>“Stupid.” He said out loud to himself and stood to open it. Before his fingers could close on the knob, the door rattled. And, <em> oh my God. </em></p><p>Moans.</p><p><em> Oh fuck off. </em> Some drunk kids were making out in the hallway. Against his door.</p><p>Kei’s eyes flickered down to check out the shadows under the lip. Yep. There were people moving on the other side. No ghosts. Just regular university shit. Thank God. Not that he was scared, absolutely not.</p><p>He had half a mind to pull the door open and let them fall. But then they would get their icky college-party-kid-germs in his room. During a pandemic. Besides, who knew how many liquids they were drenched in? Kei didn’t want to find out and he certainly didn’t want them in his carpet.</p><p>Instead, he banged on the door and called through it icily, “Occupied.”</p><p>The sounds stopped.</p><p>He smiled.</p><p>Someone talked quietly before resuming the disgusting noises and roaming a little ways away from his door.</p><p>Kei twisted the doorknob, winding up for an argument.</p><p>His special text-tone went off, a few harmonizing notes. Kei’s heart jumped.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: New video is up &lt;3 Let me know what you think. :D Wasn’t able to get the props in time so I’ll have to make that video later :( </em>
</p><p>Suddenly the college kids making out weren’t his top priority. <em> You live another day, assholes. Luck for you, my Yamaguchi is more important. </em></p><p>Kei was already pulling up the video on his phone, letting Kageyama and Hinata argue on the line while he got ready to tell them he would have to sign-off now.</p><p>He spluttered when the title popped up. Kei had to do a double-take.</p><p>
  <em> Halloween Role Play - Lover Kidnaps You </em>
</p><p>Considering their last video, things just went from 0 to 100 real quick.</p><p>Kei took a deep breath to calm his raging hormones (which was unsuccessful because <em> that’s not how hormones work, </em> he reminded himself).</p><p>He almost hung up on the weirdos right then before remembering that he’d actually had a decent time with them today and maybe he shouldn’t burn that bridge so soon. “Gotta go.” He said curtly.</p><p>Hinata was complaining again but nope, Kei was not going to fall for that again. He always said ‘one more’ but it was never just one more. Kei knew this by now.</p><p>“Goodnight. Practice those puzzles and maybe you’ll catch up to me.”</p><p>“Hey--!”</p><p>He hung up and felt a warmth in his chest before remembering the reason he’d hung up at all. His heart stirred and he clicked out of the game.</p><p>Kei took a moment to reacquaint himself with being alone. Fantastically alone. Deliciously alone. Well, alone with Starshine’s new video. A video with ‘lover’ in the title. His finger tapped against his leg.</p><p>Kei decided to change into his favorite pair of soft pajama pants and take off his shirt. If this was going to be anything like their last video, Kei wanted to savor it. And so far, he felt like this was going to be so much more. He didn’t know in exactly what way, but he had a few hopes.</p><p>He flicked off the lights and, against his better judgement, Kei greedily decided to spoil himself with better sound quality again and dove for his noise-cancelling headphones. He noticed that he was making a lot of decisions against logic when it came to Yamaguchi. It made him nervous. He was <em> thinking </em> a lot less and <em> feeling </em> a lot more. It was more than a little terrifying. He decided not to dwell on that.</p><p><em> Anyway, </em> he thought as he curled his fingers around the headphones, <em> there’s no going back now that I know Starshine’s videos can sound 10x better just by switching headphones. As if they aren’t perfect already. </em> He didn’t know whether he was calling the person or the videos perfect. He decided not to think about it.</p><p>Kei clicked the chord into his computer before crawling into bed and tugging the laptop with him. He slid them onto his ears and suddenly the obnoxious clatter of the party cut out. It was quiet in the dark. Just Kei and Starshine.</p><p>Kei and <em> Yamaguchi. </em></p><p>He decided it was too warm for blankets, so he snuggled down on top of his bed and hit play.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I feel as if I need to make this clear, I do NOT think that all ASMR is sexual!</p><p>I personally like ASMR for relaxing and I know it can be helpful for mental health. However, some creators choose to make 18+ ASMR and I think that's cool of them and they have my respect. This is just a story in which Kei likes (and honestly is lusting after) Yamaguchi, so his horny brain thinks everything they do is hot.</p><p>Anyway, onwards!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Happy Halloween</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Starshine helps Kei learn some things about himself.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you like angst, check out my spin-off where Karasuno goes drinking together: "Safe." It was inspired by the TsukiKageHina friendship in the last chapter. And then it spiraled out of control.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Saturday 11pm </em>
</p><p>Kei was lying on his bed, shirtless and horny, with his eyes glued to his laptop.</p><p>A black screen. No flash of silver microphone. And, more importantly, no Yamaguchi.</p><p>“Hey, it’s me.”</p><p>A familiar voice enveloped him and Kei’s trained response kicked-in. His neck prickled, head flopping back into his pillow. Yamaguchi was <em> very </em> close and these headphones made it feel strangely intimate. But maybe that wasn’t just the headphones.</p><p>They breathed over the mic in a way that was somehow possessive. “So, since it's the spooky season, I wanted to do something a little… scarier.”</p><p><em> Hm. </em> Kei could easily pinpoint exactly where in the room they were supposed to be. To his left. Off-camera. That explained why he couldn’t see them.</p><p>Starshine licked over his ear and Kei tensed before going limp, letting them do whatever they wanted to him. Hell, they’d definitely earned his trust by now. “So, I decided to kidnap you.”</p><p><em> Um, okay?? </em>He didn’t know how he felt about getting kidnapped. Still, it was just a video.</p><p>“I brought you here…” Footsteps echoed around him; he was being circled. “Blindfolded you…”</p><p>Kei’s eyes fluttered closed, deciding that playing along with Starshine’s videos was usually… enjoyable. Besides, the screen was dark anyway. Not like he would be missing much.</p><p>“So we can be <em> alone </em> together. Here. In my room.”</p><p><em> Well, I do want to be in your room. </em> Kei analyzed the trade-off. It might be worth it. <em> Fine, I’ll be kidnapped if I get to be in your house, </em>He considered. Like a lunatic.</p><p>Their tongue flitted across his other ear and Kei tried to lean into it. Starshine made a soft, barely-there moan and Kei grew ten degrees warmer.</p><p><em> Would they sound like that if I kissed them? </em> Okay, this was <em> definitely </em> worth getting kidnapped.</p><p>“I love the taste of you.”</p><p>His hands clenched in the sheets.</p><p>A genuinely sweet chuckle echoed through his headphones and it rumbled through Kei down to his fingertips. He was getting hard. “Don’t try to struggle. I’ve already tied you to the bed.”</p><p>He gasped into the empty room. <em> Kei, what are you doing? You’re not submissive. You’re dominant. You’re in control. You’re… </em></p><p>
  <em> But. </em>
</p><p>The thought of being tied down while Starshine sloppily licked his ears was… good. This might be kind of a roundabout solution, but in Kei’s mind, maybe if he was tied-down and helpless, Yamaguchi wouldn’t fidget as much. Maybe they could relax and finally feel a sense of freedom to do what they wanted and let lingering uneasiness trickle away. Any fear of rejection long-gone.</p><p>Like Kei would ever reject them. What a silly idea.</p><p>His body reacted happily to the loss of control and Kei didn’t know what else to do other than lean into the feeling of submission and see where it took him. The sensation wasn’t unpleasant. Not even a little. <em> Not at all. </em> He hummed.</p><p>“So cute.” Their tongue dragged against the shell of Kei’s ear and he jumped, letting out some type of noise that he couldn’t hear through his headphones.</p><p>Okay, maybe he could make an exception to that whole ‘only dominant’ idea. This was just a video. It didn’t mean anything. He could still be in control and dominant in real-life relationships. He just. This was. Nicer than expected. No good reason to abandon this video. In fact, he kind of wanted to stay. He didn’t click off.</p><p>A rustling sound. Kei didn’t know what was coming, but he tensed while nerves mixed with excitement. “I’ve been dreaming about this for a long time. You, here.”</p><p><em> Oh, me too. You have no idea. </em> He went to adjust himself in his pants before remembering that in the fantasy, he was supposed to be tied down. He shouldn’t be able to move. A prickle of something hot flooded through him at the thought of letting himself be dictated like that. His hands clenched and he stayed put.</p><p>“I’m going to take off your blindfold now. Don’t struggle.”</p><p>“Yes.” Kei agreed too quickly. He opened his eyes dutifully, hoping that Starshine would grant him the delight of seeing them.</p><p>A strip of fabric was pulled away from where it had been covering the camera’s lens, the previously black screen replaced by the lower-half of a comfortingly familiar face. Kei sighed, his shoulders relaxing.</p><p>
  <em> It’s them. It’s Yamaguchi. They’re here. </em>
</p><p><em> Of course they’re here. </em> He got a hold of himself. <em> That’s their voice, stupid, of course they’re here. </em> But he found his body loosening all the same now that he could confirm it. Their face, even only half of it, a soothing balm to his mind.</p><p>Obviously, they took Halloween more seriously than Kei because they sported a fancy red blouse that flowed delicately over speckled shoulders. But what was most exciting was the new makeup. In the past, Yamaguchi always aired on the side of ‘natural’ with their appearance, never venturing past lipgloss and maybe some small touch-ups for the camera as far as Kei could tell.</p><p>But tonight was different. Way different. And Kei’s mouth was watering.</p><p>Staggeringly red lipstick outlined and accentuated Kei’s most favorite bottom lip on the planet and drew his attention to a seductive cupid’s bow. Kei’s heart picked up speed when they smiled, teeth a bright white in contrast to the deep red of their lips and matching blouse and deep black background. And they were wearing white vampire teeth.</p><p>Would they… carry out their threat of biting him? Kei’s stomach fluttered.</p><p>“Welcome. I’m so happy you’re here.”</p><p>
  <em> Me too. You’re stunning. </em>
</p><p>Their teeth shone in the light. “Of course, we’ve been flirting for a while.”</p><p>
  <em> Have we? No, Kei, don’t overthink it. It’s just a role play. </em>
</p><p>Their smile faltered. “But you weren’t, um, ‘approaching’ me and… and I thought that you might not like me, so.”</p><p><em> What? How could anyone not like you? Unrealistic plot line. </em> Something deep inside Kei grew shadowed at seeing them become any flavor of sad.</p><p>They fiddled for a second before donning their confident persona once again. “So I decided to be a little aggressive!”</p><p>Kei didn’t know why he liked the idea of Starshine being ‘aggressive’ towards him.</p><p>They beamed at him, as if waiting for his validation, even while they had him immobile. “And now you’re finally in my bed.”</p><p>Kei felt himself twitch in his pants. But he couldn’t touch himself. He was still tied down, according to them.</p><p>“Now I get to do <em> this </em> to you.” They leaned close and Kei jerked at the sound of wet kisses being licked into his neck.</p><p>Kei pretended he was tied down. It was unexpectedly <em> perfect. </em> He panted softly, imagining their spit growing cold on his skin. <em> The lipstick. </em> Kei remembered. <em> They’re marking me with their lipstick. </em> His neck arched to give them easier access. <em> Please! </em></p><p>“You always look so yummy I just want to eat you up all the time. And now I can!” The kisses trailed further away from the mic and, he suspected, down his chest. Kei had a sneaking suspicion this was going to be more intense than the last video. He wanted it. He wanted them. He always wanted them.</p><p>Kei pulled against the imaginary ropes, suddenly very aware of his real-life shirtlessness. He felt a little naked, but couldn’t cover himself. His arms were tied down, afterall.</p><p>“I never knew you had such cute nipples.” A sucking noise.</p><p>Kei’s breath hitched. His head was spinning, <em> Oh no, why is that so hot? </em> He didn’t think his chest was sensitive to anything like that, but the image of Starshine latching on and devouring him with sharp teeth made his eyes roll back.</p><p>The sucking continued with alternating patterns and Kei imagined and hoped that Starshine wanted to taste every <em> inch </em> of him.</p><p>He bucked into the air.</p><p>They pulled away with a pop. “Oh, did you want to talk?”</p><p>It was a reasonable assumption; Kei usually wanted to talk. The only times he was rendered speechless was when Yamaguchi was looking beautiful. Which was, unfortunately, almost every time he saw them. It was unbearable.</p><p>“Sorry. I’m not going to take the gag out.”</p><p><em> Fuck. </em> His hips jerked again and he bit into his lip. Why did that have an effect on him? Kei was discovering a whole mess of things he didn’t know about himself and it was… actually a lot of fun? He was having fun? <em> What the hell? </em></p><p>“I’m going to keep <em> tasting </em> you. You just lay back and enjoy it.” They smirked again before diving back off-screen.</p><p><em> Yes, yes please! </em> He heard their tongue drag lower and Kei thought he must have been whimpering. But with his noise-cancelling headphones on, who could tell? And with the party raging next door, who was going to find out? Not a soul. He didn’t have to be quiet tonight. He could enjoy this.</p><p>“Mmmmm.” They hummed languidly somewhere near his thighs.</p><p>Kei couldn’t stand it. He didn’t know what was going to happen. He didn’t know what he <em> wanted </em> to happen. He only had one concrete request: <em> don’t stop. </em></p><p>The kisses became thoughtful, pressing softly into his skin, disappointingly slowing the assault to something more subdued and Kei sensed a dip in energy.</p><p>His hips rocked into the air, desperate for them to keep painting him with their lipstick. Maybe even put those fake teeth to good use.</p><p>Instead, their voice was quietly pensive. “I wonder whether you like me or not.”</p><p>Kei pouted needily, no doubt whining. <em> What? Don’t be stupid. Who wouldn’t absolutely fall in love with you? </em></p><p>They grew quieter still. “I wonder whether you’d tell me if you didn’t, or if you’d make me be the one to ask.”</p><p>Kei strained against the ropes. Starshine cleared their throat and apologized quickly before hurriedly finding a rhythm again, licking teasing circles into his thighs and sliding back into character.</p><p>“Of course, now that you’re here we don’t have to worry about that. We can always be together.”</p><p>Kei pondered the idea that Yamaguchi might not be fully into this role play if they were breaking character like this. <em> What a shame. </em>He would like to always be with them.</p><p>“We’re going to have so much fun.” They giggled, getting into the groove and destroying Kei’s doubts about Yamaguchi being unsure. “Well, <em> I’m </em> going to have fun. I don’t know about you.”</p><p>Kei’s blood chilled pleasantly, the new, odd sensation of being excited and scared at the same time pumping through his veins.</p><p>“See, now that you’re mine, I can do anything I want to you.”</p><p>He shook with anticipation. <em> Do it, coward. </em></p><p>“There are <em>so</em> <em>many</em> things we’re going to do.”</p><p>Alright, screw the imaginary ropes. He blindly grappled for lube.</p><p>“You want to know what’s going to happen to you?” They stroked over his face and Kei twisted his head to the side, unsure of whether he was running away or begging for more.</p><p>He pretended it was Yamaguchi trailing a slick finger down his stomach instead of himself.</p><p>“Too bad. It’s a surprise.” They giggled brightly and Kei came to the conclusion that Yamaguchi’s smile could be used single-handedly as a powerful renewable energy source and replace all other fuels.</p><p>Kei teased at the band of his pants, waiting for Starshine to do something, anything. Give him some sort of sign that it was okay to touch himself. He didn’t know what he was expecting.</p><p>Every one of their slow, deliberate movements left Kei shaking, almost <em> feeling </em> when they dragged their hands up what was supposed to be his chest.</p><p>He decided that was good enough and scrambled to slip his fingers beneath his pants and get a satisfying hold on his dick.</p><p>“Stop struggling or I’ll put the blindfold back on.”</p><p>Kei huffed, but he reluctantly calmed, still pumping himself slowly, albeit, slower than he wanted.</p><p>“Good.” They leaned over him again.</p><p>The sound of hickey being sucked noisily into his neck made Kei thrust into his hand and give up on going slow.</p><p>Starshine moaned, muffled by neck.</p><p>Kei wanted them to bite him. He didn’t have time to unpack that thought as he found a good rhythm and fought to keep it.</p><p>He was distracted by little growls by his ear. “Mm! Hn! You taste like-- I want to--” They cut themself off with another sucking noise.</p><p>He was getting too close too quickly, but he couldn’t bring himself to slow down. In fact, he found a perfect angle and stayed there.</p><p>A husky whisper beside his ear pushed him even closer, “Do you like being mine?”</p><p>And that was it. A zing of warmth shot through him and Kei was cumming. His muscles tensed as pleasure crackled in fireworks across his mind before they faded into a comfortable, fuzzy, post-orgasm high. Starshine was still sucking on his neck, and Kei felt himself shiver pleasantly in imagined oversensitivity.</p><p>He didn’t turn off the video. That would be rude.</p><p>Starshine kept licking him lazily and commenting about how he was at their mercy and how they would take care of him.</p><p>Kei liked it a surprising amount. He decided not to unpack that tonight. That was a problem for future Kei. Right now, he was tired.</p><p>Starshine also said something about being so happy to finally have him all to themself and Kei decided he needed to have Yamaguchi all to himself, too.</p><p>If only for a moment.</p><p>
  <em> Please. </em>
</p><p>He drifted off to sleep to the sounds of Starshine running their hands over him.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sunday 4pm </em>
</p><p>Kei decided he was getting those bunny shoes for Yamaguchi’s birthday. He sifted through the browser’s bookmarks to find them, laughing triumphantly when the page popped up. <em> Gotcha, you little bastards. </em></p><p>He clicked around before deciding that <em> one can’t simply guess someone else’s shoe size. </em> He plucked up his phone.</p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: What size shoe r u? </em>
</p><p>An immediate response. Kei’s lip twitched into a self-satisfied smile.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Why? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: It’s a surprise. </em>
</p><p>He wondered if they were blushing on the other end of the phone. <em> Maybe they look like they did in the video, </em> He hoped stupidly.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Did you like the Halloween video? </em>
</p><p>Kei’s fingers twitched. <em> Um… </em> Okay. How was he allowed to answer this? He decided the answer was ‘ <em> Very carefully.’ </em></p><p>
  <em> Kei Tsukishima: Haven’t seen it yet. </em>
</p><p>Or not at all. Yeah, that worked, too. Kei would answer them eventually, he had to. But right now he needed more time to think about it, to think about what it had awoken in him.</p><p>
  <em> Tadashi Yamaguchi: Oh, right. Of course! </em>
</p><p>He acquired their shoe size and skillfully told them he had to go.</p><p>Hot shame twisted in his stomach. <em> I’ll tell them eventually. </em> He reasoned. <em> Right now I’m just confused. </em></p><p>Funnily enough, that didn’t make the shame didn’t go away.</p><p>
  <em>Tadashi Yamaguchi: Don't forget daylight savings!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kei Tsukishima: I won't.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Friday 7pm </em>
</p><p>Kei had skillfully avoided Yamaguchi's questions about the video for five days. But now it was obvious Yamaguchi was itching to know what Kei thought of it. He saw it in the way their fingers thrummed against their own knuckles and picked at their shirt during the study date. <em> Session. </em>Study <em> session. </em></p><p>Kei didn’t bring it up. Like a coward. His grip tightened on his pencil. He was past the point of doing his homework and now was just pretending. He preferred to look at Yamaguchi instead of his homework anyway. Speaking of… Kei looked up discreetly to find their eyes already on him. He startled.</p><p>Yamaguchi’s gaze dragged over him way too slowly and Kei’s breathing became labored.</p><p>“I watched it.” He blurted.</p><p>They cocked their head to the side, hair bouncing cutely. <em> I hope those bunny shoes make you feel so special because you are literally the most special person. </em></p><p>“The video. Your video. The dominant one. I watched it.” He wanted to be honest. Wanted to tell them how much he liked them but the words wouldn’t come out.</p><p>Yamaguchi went adorably pink and hid behind their hands, cutting off a view that Kei really wanted to see.</p><p>He huffed to himself.</p><p>A small voice drifted from behind their shaky wall of fingers. “...What did you think of it?”</p><p>Kei hadn’t accounted for this. He really should have. “I…” <em> I want you to do that to me in real life. </em></p><p>Their hands fidgeted and Kei was able to see their eyes tightly shut.</p><p>Kei really needed them to stop being so shy and flirty because it was making him feel way too fond and protective.</p><p>Yamaguchi shook. “Did you hate it? I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have asked you to watch it! It’s so weird! I didn’t think it was going to be so weird until I was making it and then all of… <em> that </em> just sort of <em> happened </em> and-- oh God, I’m so embarrassed you saw me do that--”</p><p>“No.” Kei interrupted. He didn’t know what he was going to say. He just didn’t want them to talk themself to death. So, he said the first thing that came to mind. “It was good.” <em> Surprisingly good. </em></p><p>“Oh.” They carefully, slowly peeked big brown eyes over their hands. “Really?”</p><p>Kei nodded. “Good.” He said shortly. <em> Nice vocabulary, idiot. </em> What the hell was wrong with him? He could talk circles around Kageyama and Hinata any day of the week.</p><p>Yamaguchi slowly came out of hiding and their hands crept down to hold their shoulders. Like a lonely hug. Kei wanted to be holding them instead. They regarded Kei for a moment.</p><p>Kei didn’t look away.</p><p>Suddenly a dam broke, panicked words tumbling out on top of each other, “Please don’t lie to me! I swear if you’re lying I’ll feel so stupid!”</p><p>Kei didn’t know how to respond so he defaulted to gathering information, “What? Why?”</p><p>“Because I want to make ASMR for you!” They squeaked.</p><p>“You what?” Kei’s brain shut off for a moment before slowly rebooting.</p><p>“Never mind! It’s stupid!” They backtracked immediately and Kei was starting to sense a pattern.</p><p>He took a breath. “Yamaguchi.”</p><p>They tapered-off into a fragile silence.</p><p>Kei decided he might have to reassure them. Just to make it clear they weren’t stupid, that there was no way they could be stupid. “No matter how dumb it is, you could never be more of an idiot than the people I already hang out with.”</p><p>A small, surprised giggle. Like they were shocked Kei would insult his friends like that. They really shouldn’t have been surprised.</p><p>
  <em> Okay, good. Some lightheartedness. That’s progress! </em>
</p><p>They doubled over, giggling more despite attempts to be empathetic, “Don’t do your friends dirty like that! I’m sure they’re wonderful.” But they couldn’t stop the guilty laughter that snuck out.</p><p>Kei scoffed, playing along. “Oh, you have <em> no idea. </em> They’re like toddlers.”</p><p>They were smiling at him, hiccupping quietly between little outbursts of laughter.</p><p>Kei rode the high of their laughter. Rode it enough to confidently push the issue a little. “Tell me what you meant before. ASMR for me?”</p><p>Yamaguchi shrank. Kei didn’t like that at all. <em> Oops. </em> They looked around as if the frame of their video was a cage. Kei really didn’t the feeling of being a jailor like this.</p><p>But he stood his ground and waited for them to talk.</p><p>He was rewarded for his patience when they mumbled, “I’m sorry, I just noticed that you’ve been on-edge. And I wanted to help… relax you?”</p><p>“Like with the lipgloss again.” He connected. <em> Oh hell yes. </em> Kei was going to have the time of his fucking life. Private ASMR sessions just for him? Well, sure he would feel guilty about it, but if Yamaguchi wanted to, then…</p><p>“No,” They were going all shades of pink and Kei couldn’t stop staring, watching with rapt attention at how their skin grew blotchy around their cheek bones. “Not… um, not like the lipgloss…”</p><p>“Oh?” Kei tried to push down his amusement at their inability to form sentences. He really didn’t like seeing them so self-conscious, but… he also got to watch them blush. And that was really something. Like watching a sunset bloom before his eyes.</p><p>“It would be a recorded thing.” They fumbled. Kei could tell they wanted to retreat to their finger-fort again. He hoped they didn’t. He had much more fun seeing their face instead.</p><p>Kei tried to piece this information together. “You mean, I’d watch your videos as a test before you post them?”</p><p>“Um, no… not like that either. This one wouldn’t get posted.” They choked out, finally giving in and hiding behind their hands again, much to Kei’s disappointment. “It would be, um, just for you.”</p><p>Kei stared at the backs of their hands. He tried to fit this new fact into the puzzle. <em> Just for me? </em> His body heated up at the implication. “Why?”</p><p>Yamaguchi stumbled over themself to get the words out, “You seem stressed. I want to help.”</p><p>Kei lost his balance on the chair and realized he had been scooting forward towards the screen. He sat back suddenly. “You don’t have to do that for me.”</p><p>Yamaguchi’s hands flew down to their lap, lip curved down, a sudden look of mortified embarrassment taking over their sweet, soft features. “I’m sorry! I thought--”</p><p>No, Kei couldn’t let them think that. “I want you to.”</p><p>They melted into a somewhat shocked silence. “You do?”</p><p>Kei didn’t know what the hell this deal was going to look like but he had to be honest. “Yes, I do. But I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.” He clarified.</p><p>Yamaguchi looked incredulous. “I <em>want</em> to make you an ASMR video. I’m the idiot who asked! <em>Of</em> <em>course</em> I want to. Can I?”</p><p>Kei felt his own face going red. <em> Fuck. </em> He nodded mutely.</p><p>“Oh thank God.” They collapsed. “Thank you. I. Okay. Um, homework question?”</p><p>Kei nodded again.</p><p>“Okay. I was wondering what you thought about this question…”</p><p>Kei tried to be more helpful than he was feeling ready for at this very moment. No, he didn’t feel like talking about homework. Mostly, he just wanted to ask Yamaguchi what the hell kind of content they planned on sending him. But he didn’t. Like a coward. He reasoned that it wouldn’t matter what they sent because he would like it no matter what.</p><p>They were going to send him a video. They were going to make a video <em> for him. </em></p><p><em> Just for you. </em> His mind repeated over and over. <em> Just for you just for you just for you just for y-- </em></p><p>“Um, Tsukki…?”</p><p>He snapped back into the present. “Hm?”</p><p>They giggled. “You looked kinda stupid for a second.”</p><p>He blinked. “Let’s not forget who’s tutoring who.” He countered quickly. “So who’s actually stupid, here?”</p><p>They let him win. “You’re right. Sorry, Tsukki.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I got a twitter! I'm @All_the_Queer if anyone wants to come hang out! &lt;3</p><p>How do y'all feel about vampire!Yams? ;) It's not the most creative costume they've ever done I can tell you that, but still! They put in a little bit of effort and everyone had fun</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! I love to talk about this ship/fandom. What're YOUR headcanons for this pair?? Where do you think this story is going? ;)</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>